I was a Catholic school girl throughout my life as a student. So, it comes as no surprise that I walked away learning many stories from the Bible, along with their symbolic meanings, representations, etc., etc.
Lately, the one lesson that keeps popping into my head is about the number 40 (shocking, right?). If you look through the Bible, you will notice that the number 40 is used several times... In fact, I just looked it up and it's used exactly 146 times... sounds like a lot to me. The one thing that I remember one of my religion teachers explaining is that this number was used to demonstrate that events happened over a long period of time.
Exs.
Moses went out to the desert to pray for 40 days= Moses went out to the desert to pray for a really long time
Jesus was tempted by the devil for 40 days= Jesus was tempted by the devil for a really long time
I know that there is more to this symbolism but I just think it's funny how these things work out: God makes a woman's pregnancy last for 40 weeks= God makes a woman's pregnancy last a really long, ass time.
So, here I am on my due date... the date that I have looked forward to since August 13th, when we found out that we were pregnant. I'm fairly certain that my sweet girl will not be making her appearance today but even still, I find myself antsy and ready and reflecting over the past 10 months. In an effort to focus my energy on something other than my uterus and wondering if THIS contraction is the one that will jump start the arrival of my sweet girl, here are a few of the lessons learned that I have learned from this pregnancy.
Lesson #1- I have NO idea what God has in store for me...
I don't think that I will ever forget the way that I felt before I got pregnant. I was getting incredibly frustrated, scared, and wondered if it would happen for us. Due to events in the past, the fear of not conceiving was very real and was something that Joe was fully aware of when we first got together. Despite this knowledge and the fact that his greatest dream in life was to have a family of his own, he stuck with me, fell in love with me, and vowed that if a childless marriage was in our future, he would continue to love me and we would make the best of it. I loved him even more for this and it only fueled my intense desire to give him a child of his own.
Que crazy lady trying to get pregnant... And then... we did!
I'm not a huge religious person. I'm nearly 30 years old and am still trying to figure out what I believe. The one thing that has continuously proven true over the past ten years is that right when I am about to give up hope or start to think that things have come to a dismal end, everything has worked out. It doesn't always work out in my time or on my terms but it has managed to work out quite beautifully and I can't help but think that God has a hand in this. This is an ongoing lesson for me but is one that I always am happy to relearn.
Lesson #2- No woman's pregnancy is the same... and that is okay!
I thought that once I got pregnant, I would not complain about a single thing! I would finally be blessed with child and would be glowing because my husband and I had created something from our love. I would embrace every growing pain and every jab in the rib. I would chuckle when I'd get morning sickness because I knew that my child was strong. And, I would always dress cute and still wear heels and never fall into a clothes rut of wearing my husband's t-shirts and yoga pants.
Yeah. Right.
There are some women out there who can do all of the above and I commend you!!! I really do! I even envy you.
I am not one of these women.
I found pregnancy to be uncomfortable and annoying and many times, painful. And God forbid, you express this to one of the women that found pregnancy easy. For a while, I felt bad for not loving every single second of every single pregnant day. Even when talking to my own mom (who absolutely loved being pregnant) and complaining a bit, she responded with, "I thought you would have liked it so much more considering how long you've wanted to be pregnant." And it was true. I should LOVE it. What did this mean about the mother that I was going to be??? Was I going to be a bad mother??? And could my sweet girl feel my frustration when I was feeling like a cockroach on its back as I tried to heave myself out of bed??? Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.
Who would have thought that it was my husband that would set me straight? I found myself crying from exhaustion one day and then immediately began to apologize for not being more "graceful" in handling pregnancy. He looked at me incredulously and said, "Seriously, Deanna??? You're making a human being. You can't expect this to be easy."
Reason # 538,235 why I love this man...
... Which leads me to Lesson #3- There is a reason why I got pregnant with the man that I did...
I know that I tend to gush about my husband a bit much... and I am fully aware that it causes eye rolling and such, so I will try not to be too sappy. But, it would be completely ridiculous to think that I could have gotten through this last year on my own or with anyone other than Joe.
He has been AMAZING throughout this pregnancy (and even before when we were trying to get pregnant). He has been patient, has listened to me gripe and complain, learned more about my body than I probably would have ever liked or imagined, read the Daddy-books that I bought him, attended each labor and delivery class willingly, and sat by my side through each doctor's appointment. I know that I haven't been entirely easy to deal with and have at moments, taken my hormones out on him... but we have managed to get through these months relatively easily and I am more in love with him now than ever before. I could not have asked for a better partner and I know that he is going to be a truly amazing father. My daughter is incredibly lucky.
Lesson #4- For the first time in my life, I know for a fact that miracles exist...
The first time that we saw Adaline Grace and heard her little heartbeat, my life was completely and forever changed. She is our miracle. The fact that nothing was there before and now, my little girl is living and kicking inside of me and will be here before we know it... a true miracle. The fact that my heart has never felt a love like this for someone that I have never met... miracle. It's amazing and indescribable and I can't imagine the way that I will feel when she is finally in my arms and I am looking into her pretty eyes and we are beginning that new journey together....
Now, if only she would decide to show up sooner than later, this momma would be super thrilled! As you can see, I'm still working on the lesson that deals with patience... :)
