Bebe Deux

Since my pregnancy with Adaline feels like it was approximately ten minutes ago, it has been relatively easy to compare it to this new pregnancy.  I'm sure that many women would agree that each pregnancy is completely different and for me, this holds to be incredibly true.  A lot of it has been much, much easier but then again, some of it has been a hell of a lot harder. 

For me, the first trimester this time around was easier.  With both of my sweet babies I have been incredibly blessed with every pregnant woman's dream first trimester... Haha!  Just kidding!  I wish!  First trimester totally sucked.  Extreme exhaustion, constant nausea, and vomiting at any moment during the day (or night).  So fun.  So, how was this time around easier with my toddler banging on the bathroom door while mommy is losing her breakfast?  Because:

1- I knew what to expect.  The first time around, I had no idea how miserable I was going to be and let me tell you, I wallowed in it.  I felt like crap and decided to hibernate for the next 9 months (I so wish I could hibernate again...).  And 2- When you have a kid that needs you, there is seriously no time to be sick.  You throw up and move on.   You plan and throw a birthday party, pack and move to a new house, clean, get groceries, gag and change poopy diapers, all the while fighting off sleep and taking "up-chuck breaks".  It sucks... but, you're Super Mom... so you just deal with it.  And that actually did help.  Once the first trimester was over and my body got used to the craziness that is pregnancy, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn, you are one bad ass bitch!"

This time, I am quite aware of how hard it is to lose baby weight.  When I got pregnant with Addie, I may have been a little too excited about the fact that for once in my adult life I didn't really have to worry about a diet... and boy, did I celebrate.  My appetite was huge and I gave in to my cravings for pretty much anything and everything.  I also slowed down majorly on working out (there's not a whole lot of time to work out when you are hibernating).  43 pounds and a 6 lb, 12 oz baby later (yeah, I was just a little disappointed that Addie wasn't the reason I had gotten so big), I realized just how hard I had to work to get it off.

When I got pregnant with Bebe Deux, I still had four pounds left to lose.  Not terrible but definitely not where I wanted to be.  I have to give Adaline some credit because chasing her and constantly picking her up is one of the best work outs ever.  We are also walking between two and three miles about five to six days a week and I am doing a 30-day squat challenge.  I figured if everything else is going to get big, my legs might as well still look decent.  I still give into those not-so-good food choices (I mean, seriously, can any pregnant lady resist ice cream???) but I am much more conscious of what I eat.  There are a lot more salads and fruit.  I'm at 20.5 weeks, still able to fit in my regular shorts... I have NO idea how this is happening... and have gained ten pounds so far.  If I still end up gaining 43 pounds, well, at least I know that I am healthier and more active and definitely trying this time around.  And I'll just go from there.

The hard stuff...

These past couple of weeks have been incredibly difficult for me and I know that a large portion of it is due to hormones.  I think that guys... and hell, women do, too... joke about the hormones of a crazy pregnant women but truly, this shit makes life so much harder.  I know that I can be completely overreacting to something and in my head, am thinking, "What are you doing?!?  You are being absolutely ridiculous," but it is a train that cannot be stopped.  Once the storm has passed and I am able to see clearly again, I am left feeling sad and regretful and it just stinks. 

The hormones were there with my last pregnancy but this time around, it has been so much harder to deal with.  Now, I have a teething toddler who is testing her tantrum-throwing skills and wants to be held all of the time.  Now, my hubby is gone nearly every other two weeks for two weeks and I am missing his presence (and help) more than ever.  "Me-time" no longer exists and I am exhausted every single day.  I thought that pregnancy brain was bad before, but trying to form sentences with pregnancy brain while your toddler is throwing her fifth temper tantrum of the day because you won't let her play with a pair of scissors that miraculously appeared out of nowhere is beyond frustrating.  And, then fear creeps in when you think, "We're adding ANOTHER BABY to the chaos?!?!  What were we thinking???"  And you feel like you absolutely can't do it for another minute of another day...

And then God sends you a break. 

Your hubby tells you to go to the movies and to not worry about the baby.  He's got it.

Your kiddo stops sucking on her nighttime bottle just so that she can give you a kiss.

And you remember and realize that this beautiful, crazy, sometimes-so-difficult mess that is mommyhood and pregnancy is SO worth it.  And you're able to make it through another day.                 

Trial and Error

One of the main lessons that I have learned about parenting over this past year is that it is all about "trial and error."

It's funny because I think that many new parents enter this new role with all of these ideas and beliefs about what they want to happen when they are finally the ones in charge.  They say things like, "MY kid will NEVER run around with messy hair/ half naked/ in a diaper."  Or, "MY kid will never throw a fit in Wal-Mart and if she does, well, we are leaving immediately."

I think that these kinds of thoughts are completely normal and totally healthy because it shows that ultimately what we want is to be GOOD parents.  But, then, that little human being shows up with their own set of ideas and wants and things begin to change... 

Instead of leaving as soon as your kiddo starts hollering, you find yourself sprinting across Wal-Mart as you frantically try to check off the remaining items on your list because you will be damned if you have to make another trip later.  Or, you realize that it's hot outside, you are at home, clothes on toddlers are just another thing that you have to wash, and this happens...

...and she is still so damn cute

 

 

I have done my fair share of putting my foot in my mouth this past year.  I will say that we are/aren't definitely going to do something with Adaline (and trust me, it is with the absolute best intention because I have completed plenty of research and have full faith in my decision)... and then my child has a different idea of what is going to happen and I am left scratching my head and thinking, "Well, what the hell am I gonna do now?!?!"

 

I have written in the past about how sleeping was a huge issue for us.  We did sleep training with her, I wrote a whole post about how we had finally conquered the Great Sleep Debacle... and to be completely honest, I had to try it all over again seven months later when it finally stuck and that was when Adaline got the hang of sleeping in her own bed for a whole night. 

 

The thing is, is that I had an idea of what should happen and I felt like a failure when it didn't.  I thought that my child should be sleeping in her bed for the whole night because that's what "good" babies do.  When people ask about your new baby, one of the very first questions that comes up is, "Is she sleeping through the night?" and if the answer is no, well, what are you doing wrong???  But, in reality, I think that (for us) my child just needed me throughout the night to be fed or comforted and it was fine.  And then, when it stopped working for us and she was ready and I was ready to take that next step, sleep training was smooth sailing and she got it like a champ (and so did I).

 

So, why did I put so much pressure on myself???

 

Our issue these days deals with our lovely little friend, Bottle.  I was absolutely certain that once we hit a year, I'd put those bad boys away and we'd all happily and merrily move on.  I even made a nice little FB post about how we were done, done, done with the bottle (insert foot in mouth).

 

When we started off, I was strong and determined.  She had been drinking water out of a sippy since she was about four or five months old.  I had bought about seven different kinds of sippy cups for her to drink milk so I thought for sure that we'd be fine.  I hid the bottles... and then I saw how absolutely miserable my child was.  I hadn't just taken away a bottle for milk.  I had taken away her only comfort object.  She has never taken a pacifier, never had a "lovie," or blanket that she liked to hold onto.  Her bottle is and has been her only source of comfort.  And she was miserable.  And there was no reprieve for my sweet and unhappy baby. 

 

I tried for about week with bedtime bottles only... and after dealing with my miserable child alone (Joe was on rotation), she started getting an early evening bottle to go with that.  And I'm not going to lie, with cutting teeth, her getting sick, me getting sick, Joe being on rotation... there may be a few bottles here and there.

 

And, once again, I am left feeling like I failed and scratching my head and thinking, "What in the hell am I gonna do now???"  Cold turkey obviously does not work for us.  If Joe were home more to give a bit of reprieve from Lady Grump, it might be a little easier.  But, the real question is not about the bottle, but how do you lovingly help your child get rid of a comfort object without everyone losing their sanity in the process??  Or, am I putting too much pressure on both of us?  Will this stuff just happen organically and maybe I shouldn't stress as much?  I just don't know...       



Anyone?  I am all ears.  And if anyone would like to volunteer for the job, feel free.  We have five months until the new baby arrives and I'd like this to happen before we have even more changes to rock our world.  Kay.  Thanks!  ;)

In her happy place :)

Revamp and Update!

I've decided that this little blog needed a bit of a revamp considering how different things are since I started writing a few years ago.  Before, my world solely and completely revolved around the man of my dreams, my Joe.  Now, my universe has expanded to include a couple of additions.  My weekends used to be focused on motorcycle day trips followed by fun nights out... and now they are just a tad bit more low key.  Seriously, I hardly notice when Fridays come around these days and it's really okay.  I have fully embraced my roles as wife and mother and I LOVE it.  I have never felt happier and more sure that this is the exact place that I am supposed to be. 

So, of course, this blog needed to reflect that.  Joe and I will never be rich.  He'll be in the army until he retires and one day, after I am done being a stay-at-home momma, I plan to resume my career as a teacher.  Money is tight but we are happy and that is our goal and that is essentially what we want for our kids.  Trust me, I know that this is not always easy... but if a couple can still find happiness in the miserable little desert island that is Fort Irwin, it is definitely possible!

My sweet Adaline is a year old (she's actually almost 13 months but I'm going to try my hardest not to be that mom that makes you do math when I tell you the age of my kiddo).  This child amazes me.  Every.  Single.  Day.  She is affectionate and sweet and loves to be cuddled and patted.  She has even started to take my hand and put it on her leg so that I can give her a nice little pat.  She is a momma's girl, which usually isn't an issue until she is hanging onto my legs while I'm cooking dinner.  She loves to make people laugh and will try to catch the attention of random strangers and start laughing, in hopes that they will laugh in return.  She loves to "talk" and will often "ask questions."  My go-to response is usually, "Yes," which tends to make me nervous afterwards because I realize that she could be asking me if it's cool for her to play with the electric sockets or fly off of the roof... and I just gave her the go-ahead.  I probably should rethink my answer.  And she is smart.  I know every parent says that their kiddo is smart but she really is!  I'm amazed at the stuff that she picks up daily and seeing her grow and develop into a little person has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

She sounds perfect, right?  Pretty close!  We have definitely entered toddler-hood and all of the fun things that go with it: teething, stubborness, temper tantrums, etc.  Things that I never thought would be an issue (getting rid of bottles, for instance) have completely blown my mind and I am usually left dazed and confused as to what in the heck is going on with this little being.  (More on this later.)  It may not be perfect but I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Since God saw that we were having so much fun with our peanut, I guess that was when He decided to send another one on the way.

Joe and I had briefly talked about another baby but there was nothing set on when we'd "officially" start trying.  After eight months, I decided to reclaim my body and quit breastfeeding.  As much as I loved that time with Addie, it was lovely to be able to have a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day with my hubs.  I felt like a free woman again.  I was running, concentrating on getting in shape, and I figured that we would wait until Addie was about a year to start on baby #2 (which just so happens to be after our anniversary where I was hoping for a weekend getaway so momma could have one last hurrah!).

One month after I quit breastfeeding, I decided to take a pregnancy test since I was enjoying my vino and there was no cycle in sight.  It was Monday, February 17th.  Joe had started a rotation that weekend and had come in that morning at about 3:00, so he was still sleeping when I got up with Addie.  I vividly remember taking the test, looking over as she was digging through the bathroom cabinet and thinking to myself, "What in the heck would I do with two babies?!?"  Less than a minute later, two pink lines appeared and told me that I was gonna have to figure that one out.

I am beyond thrilled about our new baby but I'm not going to lie, there are moments of sheer panic when I think about the crazy ride that is ahead of us.  And then I remember that despite any craziness that is involved with having a baby around, there is a whole lot of love and joy and something magical and that fear kind of slips away.

I am 17 weeks and despite the fact that Joe is gone and on rotation, I am enjoying the fact that Adaline is asleep and my sweet little baby is happy and snug in my belly.  All is good in our little world and we are happy!

My view these days...