The Sleeping Conundrum

Life in Baby Land has been amazing. Adaline is far more perfect than I ever could have imagined and becoming a mother has been life changing.  I would not trade these past three and a half months with my sweet girl for anything in the world and I am amazed at how quickly the time has flown by.

So far, the journey into parenthood has been relatively easy.  Breastfeeding, although demanding and time consuming, has been a breeze.  Addie latched on like a champ and aside from a few clogged ducts, things have been going rather smoothly in the whole booby department (a HUGE plus that I'm sure many mommies can appreciate).  She is happy and healthy and I have adapted to my new role as a mother effortlessly.  The only issue that I have come across would have to be the one that dealt with putting my child to sleep.  Seriously.  From the very beginning, I have felt plain ole stupid when it comes to my girlie and bedtime. 

As with any new venture in my life, I did my research to prepare.  I read, "Babywise," along with countless online articles about baby sleep.  I had opinions and ideas of what I wanted and I was ready... And then I had a baby who had a totally different plan.  I knew that I wanted to feed on demand and was prepared to lose sleep because of this... But I also thought that my baby would be completely fine nestled in her little playpen that was placed right next to my bed. 

 Yeah. Right.

My sweet six pound baby wanted nothing to do with being on her own.  I tried everything: would feed her until her little belly was full, swaddle, put a piece of my clothing in her bed, rock, sing, use a pacifier, didn't use a pacifier, tried gripe water, tried swaying, used sound machines, started a bedtime routine... And none of it worked.  I would put my perfect little angel down and she would cry as if her whole world was falling apart and it broke my heart.  All my resolve to "letting her cry it out" went out of the window (especially after my pediatrician said not to worry about it just yet because she was too little for it anyway). 

And so we began to co-sleep.  Now, I know that there are a TON of opinions on co-sleeping and a lot of them are negative.  But, it's actually a lot more common than one would think and I think that most parents that co-sleep with their babies are quiet about it because they don't want to hear a horrific gasp, along with a, "Are you trying to kill your baby?!"  

Obviously I am not.  

I never felt that Adaline was in any danger.  Joe was not very comfortable with this sleeping arrangement, so I had to be extra cautious with our positioning in the bed.  It was not ideal but I quickly fell in love with it.  First of all, both Addie and I were able to sleep and feel rested, one of the biggest complaints for new mommies.  I laid on my side and fed her when she was hungry and we both got plenty of sleep.  It made life super easy and I also felt that it was an amazing way to bond.

Our little sleeping situation was made even easier when the hubs left for a month and a halfu.  Lots of bed space for me and the bébé!  But, as the summer started coming to an end, I knew that things needed to change.  Joe was about to come home and I am a firm believer that having a healthy marriage will be important in raising our healthy children... And let's face it, things get a little complicated when your kiddo is in the same bed.  Also, Addie was beginning to roll over and even I knew that having her in our huge bed would not be safe when she rolled right off of it.  I knew what I needed to do (get her to actually sleep in her own bed) but I didn't know how.

I started again with even more research, along with asking a few respected mommies their methods for getting their babies to sleep.  One of the methods that I looked at was the Ferber method (which is even more controversial than co-sleeping) and one of the mom's that I used to babysit for said that this was actually what she had done and it worked perfectly.  

For those that don't know, the Ferber method is also known as the "Crying it out" method.  I was nervous about this and was so worried about totally screwing up my child.  But, the more that I read about it, I found that it wasn't simply leaving your child to fend for themselves in their big, bad crib.  It was gradually done and the child learns to teach herself soothing techniques, along with figuring out how to fall asleep on her own. 

So, I made the resolution and decided to give us three days, the amount that it takes a baby to learn and accept a new habit (or so I have read).  

The first night was hellllllllll.  I started our bedtime routine, wrote down every exact thing that we did and the times that we did them, made sure she was drowsy, laid her down, and the worst night of my parenthood (thus far) began. I checked on her after the first three minutes, then waited five, then ten, and twelve and continued to check on her every twelve minutes after that.  It took her 50 minutes of screaming and pitching a fit for her to fall asleep, only to wake up 30 minutes after and start it all over again. 

Horrible.

She was a mess. I was a mess.  And my poor husband was receiving calls from his crying wife who was certain that she was gonna screw up their kid.

Horrible.

But, like I said, I was determined to give it three days.  Night 2 was a little easier and only took her 30 minutes of not-as-intense crying after following the exact same routine as the night before.  

Night 3 was 15 minutes; Night 4 was 7 minutes; and Night 5 was an amazing 4 minutes. 

I know that this isn't for everyone but when I was desperately trying to figure out how to sleep train my child, I wanted to know what worked and how to get there.  If I could completely erase that first night, I would have.  It was just so bad but after we got through it, things have been so much smoother.  Addie is sleeping so much better on her own, as am I.  She is not sleeping through the night just yet because I am still feeding on demand which I am certain will get better when we start adding solids to her diet.  But, the child is sleeping from 7:00-11:30 and will wake about every two hours to eat after that. 

Trust me... This is a HUGE step for us.  

And, she is still incredibly wonderful and happy and I know that this will continue to get better!  

That's it for today in the momma-hood! More to come later.... 

My sleeping beauty who absolutely refuses to sleep on her back now that she roll over... :)

Newborn Pics

It is inevitable that when one is a new mommy along with being an aspiring photographer, a lot of "photo magic" will occur... or at least an attempt at photo magic!

Long before I knew that I was pregnant, I was obsessed with newborn photography and pinned a ton of photo ideas on Pinterest.  So, it goes without saying that I didn't wait long to take advantage of my new little subject and tortured her a bit with bows and tutus (which were made by yours truly the week before her arrival... the tutus, that is, not the bows... I had way too much time on my hands :).  It took us several hours to take these pics because there was a lot of pausing and feeding in between photos to ensure that my peanut was happy and content.  All in all, I am very pleased with the results, even though I  still have a lot to learn! 

Here are the results...   

(Side note: I have lots of friends who are much better and more experienced with photography than me... If anyone wants to pass along tips or suggestions, I will happily take them!)

My sweet girl... :)

 

 

 

One of the many fun things about taking these pics was using props that were given to us as gifts.  This beautiful headband was from my best friend's mom, Ms. Paula.  I found it super appropriate since The Great Gatsby is coming out this weekend and it totally reminds me of that era. 

 

 

She is already such a happy girl and is always smiley.  :)

My little thinker

 

Flower child

 

I may have edited this one a bit too much but I love that she looks like a little doll...

 

 

You can't have newborn girl pics without a pink tutu!

 

Photo editing fun... I am finally learning more about Lightroom and had a blast playing with the colors.

 

 

 

My godmother and cousins sent us these great classic novels that were turned into children's books.  I thought they were perfect props for my future little reader. 

 

 

Thanks Uncle Lennie for the beautiful quilt.  We love it!

 

 

I am obsessed with those feet and that smile.

 

 
   

Thank you "Faunty" Jeanna (Adaline's Fake Aunty) for the Janie and Jack skirt!  It's beautiful!

 

 

 

 

 

Already a diva?!?!? Getting ready for her close-up!!! :)

(Handmade quilt from my very good friend, Lori)

 

 

Proof that she didn't love every second of our photo shoot... Haha!

 

 

 

Love these cheeks!  She has already changed so much in the past week...

 

 

Sweet dreams! :)

 

 

 

The Day Two Became Three: Adaline's Birth Story

Many women say that they just "knew" when they were going into labor. I, of course, did not.

Early last Thursday morning (April 25), I woke up right after midnight with what was the worst contractions that I had felt yet. I had been dealing with Braxton Hicks for quite some time and these felt so much worse. I left our bed and moved downstairs to the living room sofa where I moaned my way through the night, timing contractions that were about five minutes apart. Joe had to be up at three that morning to head back to the field and when he got up, I was in tears from pain and nerves about him heading out. Needless to say, he saw me, made a few phone calls and basically told them that he wasn't coming in.

The contractions stayed pretty regular and intense, so I got up and did what any normal woman would do... I started cleaning my house. Seriously. I mopped the floors, vacuumed, dusted, and baked cookies for the nurses... All the while keeling over in pain as my husband looked at me as if I were nuts and I received text messages from my sister and bestie telling me to stop cleaning and go to the hospital. I thought that I had nested before but I finally realized that all that other stuff was just prep work... THIS was the actual nesting. When my house was spotless and ready for the arrival of a Queen (or my princess), I finally told Joe to pack up the car because I was ready for labor. We needed to go to the hospital...

To sum up that day, it was one of the most frustrating and disappointing days that I had in a while. That morning I thought for sure that I'd be meeting my sweet girl, only to find out that at 40.2 weeks of being pregnant, I was still not dilating or effacing. My home girl was not ready to move out any time soon. So, we scheduled an induction for the following Monday and I finished the day knowing that there was an end in sight.

Not even two days later, my day began much the same way. I woke up right after midnight early Friday morning with even worse contractions but this time, not being timed out so evenly apart. I was in so much freakin pain but could not figure out if it were "enough" pain to endure heading back to Labor and Delivery only to be told that it was nothing and I was once again, the Lady who cried Baby. So, I toughed it out and found out later that I was spending half of my labor rotating my moans from both my bed and bathroom. Amazingly, Joe slept through the whole night... Although, he did say that night he dreamt of wailing dogs... ( I wouldn't classify my moans as "wailing" per say but I know that I wasn't quiet!)

By 6:00 that morning, I had had enough. I could barely even walk or see straight. So, I finally woke up Joe who literally had to help me get dressed and put me in the car. The hospital bags didn't even make it in the car this time. I knew that I just needed to get to the hospital.

Upon our arrival, we found out that the Labor and Delivery unit was in fact full... A fun side effect from living on a super tiny post with a hospital that only has 4 hospital beds in their L&D unit and is exactly what every woman in labor wants to hear.

Our nurse took us into a private waiting room to get me checked out which was where I found out that I was 3, almost 4 cm dilated, she could see hair from the baby, and that I'd have to wait an hour for them to track my status and see if I had made progress. I was fit to be tied and immediately began to freak out! If she could see hair then that definitely didn't mean that I needed to go home. And, after reading every freaking thing that I could about labor and delivery and attending several birthing classes, I knew my rights as woman in labor!!! 4 cm= epidural time!!! I wanted my drugs, dammit! Which was exactly what I yelled at that poor nurse when she told me about the whole hair thing (I may have been in slight panic mode when the thought crossed my mind of having this baby naturally... Ummm, hell no. Not for me. Thanks.)

I didn't really have a choice in the matter. When there is no room at the Inn, you either pack up your donkey and move to the next spot available or you wait the stupid hour that this damned nurse is telling you to wait and you pray that your body makes progress or else someone is gonna seriously end up getting hurt. So, we waited and thank the good Lord, my body had finally kicked into high gear. I was nearly 5 cm an hour later and they found a room for us.

Everything seemed to progress rather rapidly after all of that. I continued to suffer with the worst pain that I had ever had in my life and finally got an epidural when I was about 7 cm and it was approximately 9:30 that morning (everything before the epi is now kind of fuzzy). I know that epidurals are so controversial but for me, it was the best choice that I could have ever made.

My anesthesiologist was absolutely amazing and fixed the epidural so that I could still feel pressure and move my legs but finally, all of that insane pain was gone and for the first time in several days, I got super excited as I realized that we were finally having our baby.

By noon, I was fully dilated but the nurse and doctor suggested that we wait about another hour to let the contractions naturally pull the baby down. Fine by me! Now that I was feeling good, I honestly didn't care!

A little after 1:00 pm, it was time to begin pushing. My doctor asked if I wanted a mirror so that I could really "experience" the whole thing. My immediate was response was no, definitely not... But, the more I'd push, the more I felt like we were getting nowhere and that this little baby was never coming out. When Joe started commenting that he could actually start to see her, I couldn't help but get a little jealous and changed my mind. They quickly set up a mirror for me and that was all the motivation I needed. My sweet girl, Adaline Grace, was born at 2:04 pm on April 27, 2013.

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One Week Later...
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I knew that becoming a mother was going to be life changing. I didn't know how. I have never in my life been more sleep deprived, swollen, or uncomfortable than I have this past week but I have never been happier or more in love, with both my child and my husband.

This week has not been entirely easy. I have already been inducted into Mommyhood by having my sweet girl literally finish a poop directly into my hands and then proceeding to pee all over me. There have been a few tears shed because I'm just really freaking tired. And the whole baby and sleep thing is incredibly difficult because everyone has a different opinion and there are so many differing ideas of what is "best" for baby.

But, I am absolutely obsessed with this child and my favorite thing is to simply look at her and then give her a million kisses. We have been blessed with the whole breastfeeding experience, which was one of my biggest fears. I owe a lot of our success to the fact that I read anything and everything on the subject and took several classes on the matter. It's been relatively easy and my girl has latched on like a champ.

And, the most amazing thing has been experiencing all of this with my hubs as I watch him become an amazing father. One story that I am sure I will share with Adaline when she is older is how we tried and tried to get her to sleep in her bassinet one night. She wanted nothing of it and the minute that I'd put her down, she'd start screaming. Joe suggested that we let her cry for like two or three minutes just to give her a chance to get used to it. Those were the longest minutes of my life. When I finally picked her up and held my crying child, I couldn't help but cry my eyes out from pure exhaustion and the realization that I couldn't protect my daughter as easily anymore. And as I cried and held her, my husband held me. It was just the reminder that I needed that I wasn't in this alone and had the best partner to help me out, especially during the really hard times.

So, as you can see, life is beyond good in our little house and I am loving life as a mommy. I am sure that I will be posting lots more on my new role but in the meantime, here are pics of the beginning of this amazing journey that we are on. Enjoy!

40 weeks...

I was a Catholic school girl throughout my life as a student.  So, it comes as no surprise that I walked away learning many stories from the Bible, along with their symbolic meanings, representations, etc., etc. 

Lately, the one lesson that keeps popping into my head is about the number 40 (shocking, right?).  If you look through the Bible, you will notice that the number 40 is used several times... In fact, I just looked it up and it's used exactly 146 times... sounds like a lot to me.  The one thing that I remember one of my religion teachers explaining is that this number was used to demonstrate that events happened over a long period of time.

Exs.
Moses went out to the desert to pray for 40 days= Moses went out to the desert to pray for a really long time
Jesus was tempted by the devil for 40 days= Jesus was tempted by the devil for a really long time

I know that there is more to this symbolism but I just think it's funny how these things work out: God makes a woman's pregnancy last for 40 weeks= God makes a woman's pregnancy last a really long, ass time.     

So, here I am on my due date... the date that I have looked forward to since August 13th, when we found out that we were pregnant.  I'm fairly certain that my sweet girl will not be making her appearance today but even still, I find myself antsy and ready and reflecting over the past 10 months.  In an effort to focus my energy on something other than my uterus and wondering if THIS contraction is the one that will jump start the arrival of my sweet girl, here are a few of the lessons learned that I have learned from this pregnancy. 

Lesson #1- I have NO idea what God has in store for me...

I don't think that I will ever forget the way that I felt before I got pregnant.  I was getting incredibly frustrated, scared, and wondered if it would happen for us.  Due to events in the past, the fear of not conceiving was very real and was something that Joe was fully aware of when we first got together.  Despite this knowledge and the fact that his greatest dream in life was to have a family of his own, he stuck with me, fell in love with me, and vowed that if a childless marriage was in our future, he would continue to love me and we would make the best of it.  I loved him even more for this and it only fueled my intense desire to give him a child of his own.

Que crazy lady trying to get pregnant... And then... we did!

I'm not a huge religious person.  I'm nearly 30 years old and am still trying to figure out what I believe.  The one thing that has continuously proven true over the past ten years is that right when I am about to give up hope or start to think that things have come to a dismal end, everything has worked out.  It doesn't always work out in my time or on my terms but it has managed to work out quite beautifully and I can't help but think that God has a hand in this.  This is an ongoing lesson for me but is one that I always am happy to relearn. 

Lesson #2- No woman's pregnancy is the same... and that is okay!

I thought that once I got pregnant, I would not complain about a single thing!  I would finally be blessed with child and would be glowing because my husband and I had created something from our love.  I would embrace every growing pain and every jab in the rib.  I would chuckle when I'd get morning sickness because I knew that my child was strong.  And, I would always dress cute and still wear heels and never fall into a clothes rut of wearing my husband's t-shirts and yoga pants.   

Yeah.  Right.

There are some women out there who can do all of the above and I commend you!!!  I really do!  I even envy you. 

I am not one of these women. 

I found pregnancy to be uncomfortable and annoying and many times, painful.  And God forbid, you express this to one of the women that found pregnancy easy.  For a while, I felt bad for not loving every single second of every single pregnant day.  Even when talking to my own mom (who absolutely loved being pregnant) and complaining a bit, she responded with, "I thought you would have liked it so much more considering how long you've wanted to be pregnant."  And it was true.  I should LOVE it.  What did this mean about the mother that I was going to be???  Was I going to be a bad mother???  And could my sweet girl feel my frustration when I was feeling like a cockroach on its back as I tried to heave myself out of bed???  Guilt.  Guilt.  Guilt.

Who would have thought that it was my husband that would set me straight?  I found myself crying from exhaustion one day and then immediately began to apologize for not being more "graceful" in handling pregnancy.  He looked at me incredulously and said, "Seriously, Deanna???  You're making a human being.  You can't expect this to be easy."

Reason # 538,235 why I love this man...

... Which leads me to Lesson #3- There is a reason why I got pregnant with the man that I did...

I know that I tend to gush about my husband a bit much... and I am fully aware that it causes eye rolling and such, so I will try not to be too sappy.  But, it would be completely ridiculous to think that I could have gotten through this last year on my own or with anyone other than Joe. 

He has been AMAZING throughout this pregnancy (and even before when we were trying to get pregnant).  He has been patient, has listened to me gripe and complain, learned more about my body than I probably would have ever liked or imagined, read the Daddy-books that I bought him, attended each labor and delivery class willingly, and sat by my side through each doctor's appointment.  I know that I haven't been entirely easy to deal with and have at moments, taken my hormones out on him... but we have managed to get through these months relatively easily and I am more in love with him now than ever before.  I could not have asked for a better partner and I know that he is going to be a truly amazing father.  My daughter is incredibly lucky.

Lesson #4- For the first time in my life, I know for a fact that miracles exist...    

The first time that we saw Adaline Grace and heard her little heartbeat, my life was completely and forever changed.  She is our miracle.  The fact that nothing was there before and now, my little girl is living and kicking inside of me and will be here before we know it... a true miracle.  The fact that my heart has never felt a love like this for someone that I have never met... miracle.  It's amazing and indescribable and I can't imagine the way that I will feel when she is finally in my arms and I am looking into her pretty eyes and we are beginning that new journey together....



Now, if only she would decide to show up sooner than later, this momma would be super thrilled!  As you can see, I'm still working on the lesson that deals with patience... :)  

Baby Momma Pictures

Since I am a huge photography lover, I, of course, adore maternity pics.  The minute that we found out that we were pregnant, I began searching Pinterest for maternity pic ideas and couldn't wait for the day that my bump was big enough to take my very own Baby Momma pictures!

Nearly nine months later, the reality of how much our life has changed (and is about to change) has sunk in.  When you are a single income family, the actual price for unnecessary items starts to become shocking.  For the first time, in a really long time, the need for a new dress at Target doesn't seem nearly as important as the need to have a date night with my hubby.  We are far from poor but we are definitely becoming more aware of what we spend our money on and how we spend it.  So, with Adaline's arrival right around the corner, along with the purchase of diapers and bottles and all other baby necessities looming in the near future, paying for a maternity photo shoot seemed incredibly frivolous and I couldn't stomach the idea.    

When talking to Joe about the pics (we have a very sweet photographer here at Irwin who was offering us an incredible deal), he looked at me and said, "Dee, we can totally do these pics ourselves...I can take them and you can edit them!" (I'm not a hundred percent sure if he used the word "totally" but this is my story, so I'm sticking with it).

And that's just what we did!  Last Sunday (at 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant), I got as dressed up as a huge preggo woman can, we packed up my camera and a lunch, drove down the road and into the desert, and had a truly wonderful day exploring the desert and taking pics.  I am super impressed with my hub's photo skills (under my direction, of course ;)  and I couldn't be happier with the way that they came out. 

Looking huge and very pregnant... here are my pics.... :)

 

 

My favorite picture from the whole day!