Spoiled

A few months ago, I looked at my child and had no idea what in the heck was going on with her.  Was she teething?  Going through a growth spurt? Hungry, tired, or hurt?  No.  No.  No. 

And Adaline looked at me and was like, "Why in the heck don't you know what's wrong with me???  You are my MOM!!! You are supposed to KNOW THESE THINGS!!!"  Followed by her clinging onto me and a whole lot of whining and fussing.

To top it off, Joe was in the field.

I was at my whit's end and started texting my bestie who proceeded to ask if she was going through a Wonder Week.  I had never heard of such a thing. 

Moms, if you have an infant or are expecting, I highly advise you to download the Wonder Weeks App or even go ahead and get the book.  When you are asking yourself, "I wonder what in the heck is going on with my kid right now?"  or "I wonder where my sweet child has gone?" or "I wonder what little demon has taken my child's form and moved into my house?", all you have to do is pull up this handy app and it explains what is going on with your child's cognitive development and why they are acting especially trying and then you can sigh with relief and pat yourself on the back for figuring out that it's not YOU, it's their sweet lil developing brain.

Seriously.  Go and get it.  It's the best 1.99 you will spend in the App Store.       

I digress. 

We are in Week 30 of Addie's development.  Last Monday, I couldn't figure out why she was holding onto me for dear life.  I pulled up the app to see why and was informed:

"Fussy and irritable behavior as around 29 or 30 weeks is not a telltale sign of another leap.  You baby has simply discovered that his mommy can walk away and leave him behind.  Funny as it may sound, this is progress.  It is a new skill.  He is learning about distances."

This is great to know.  It gives me a sense of relief that I am not totally screwing up my child when I have exhausted all of my resources and she is still not my happy-go-lucky girl.  But, oh my goodness, this past week has me exhausted and absolutely emotionally drained.

This past week, we not only dealt with the side effects from vaccinations and the flu shot but I am fairly certain that I have witnessed our first temper tantrums.  When Joe would have her, she'd be completely fine.  I'd walk into the room and she would start whining for me.  I proceeded with our night time routine as usual, laid her down, sang her a song, turned to walk away and I swear, the child looked up through those sleepy eyes and started kicking and screaming.

I know that we have turned that six-month-corner where babies go from being little lumps of existence to being smart little humans that know what they need to do to get what they want.  Joe and I both noticed this difference and, man, I thought I was ready for this.  Turns out, I am not.

The last thing that I want is a child who thinks that she can get away with anything.  It's so easy for parents who have children that are grown to throw out, "So-and-so's kid is SO spoiled... You should see the way that they act."  And, I may have said something similar to this a time or two when I was still all-knowing on the art of parenting... before I had a kid.

Now that I sit in the seat of judgment, the line between spoiling and care seems blurrier than ever.  I can't sit my six month old down and explain WHY she can't kick and scream every time momma needs to walk away for a second.  I also refuse to hear my child scream for hours on end.  Where is this line???

It doesn't help when I feel like "Bad Mommy" because I need a minute away.  I know that I can't be the only momma out there who feels like at the end of the day, there is just no more to give.  I have reached my limit, expended all of my energy, love, patience, and I am just done... and boy, oh boy, do I feel bad about it.  Becoming a mother is the all time greatest job ever and it's all that I have ever wanted... So, why are these moments so difficult?

I feel that the line between spoiled and care is different for each family.  I want my daughter to grow up happy and strong and to never have a single doubt that she is loved.  When I found out that I was pregnant, I made a solemn vow to Joe, God, and our daughter that I would do the absolute best job that I could do... and this is what I strive for each and every day.

We will get through the rough parts and I will enjoy the good (which I can honestly say is 90% of the time).  And I will try and remain patient and loving and caring... and if Adaline ends up being a spoiled, but very sweet, little girl... well then, we will blame that one on her daddy. 

Sounds like a plan to me!