It has been four months since Joe and I have been home and seen our families. Four months may not seem like much to some but for me, it is definitely the longest that I have ever been away from home and I truly cannot wait to wrap my arms around the people that I love the most.
As excited as I am that we are leaving today, my heart (like so many others) has been quite heavy the past few days. The tragedy that occurred on Friday has left me mind blown and confused and scared. Scared because I am bringing a child into a world like this... a world where even our schools aren't safe anymore.
As Joe and I watched the news, I couldn't help but weep for these families and the parents of these babies whose lives were ended way too soon. I sat, frustrated and confused, and watched the chaos on t.v. that very well could have been a scene from a Hollywood blockbuster. And I have talked and talked and talked with my husband to try to figure out what the answer is... And I just don't know...
Is it stricter gun laws? I think that anyone who has committed themselves to doing acts of violence will find a way to get the job done, regardless of the weapons that they can or can't get a hold of.
Is it because "God isn't allowed in schools?" I taught at public schools for five years and I saw God working daily among my children. I never felt like I couldn't mention a higher power or the necessity to be kind to one another and to make sure that kindness happened inside my classroom. And, over those few years of teaching, I met some truly remarkable, amazing, and loving kids who I feel will take care of the world that I will pass down to them.
I told Joe from the very beginning of this pregnancy that I couldn't imagine what I would do if we lost Adaline. I honestly don't know how I would recover from that. And this is coming from a mother who has yet to hold her child and make precious memories. I can't imagine the loss that these parents are feeling and my heart aches for them...
Despite this tragic event, I pray that the hope that I feel is not a mirage. Over the past few days, I have read a countless number of times, "What is this world coming to?" I can't give up hope for our world just yet. There are so many people that I know that are having babies or raising little ones... good, moral people who will raise their children to love and respect each other. This gives me hope that not all is lost yet. Every time I feel my daughter move, I am overcome with love and hope because she is our future.
I obviously don't have a lot of answers... these are just my thoughts on something that is completely incomprehensible. But, I know that this holiday season, I will hold onto my husband a little tighter, squeeze my godchild and give him the million kisses that he deserves, relish in the love that surrounds me from my family, and thank God for every nudge and kick that I feel from my sweet baby girl.
I hope that you and your family have a blessed and safe happy holiday.
Praying for peace-
Deanna
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Our Sweet Adaline Grace
Years ago, Joe woke up one morning and shared with me a dream that he had during the night.
He told me that somehow, we had gotten stranded on an island, just the two of us, and were there for years and years and years. We made a nice little shelter (in my mind, I imagine it to be quite like the one in Swiss Family Robinson) and we lived off of the land and were extremely happy and content. We eventually had two little girls, the oldest whom we named Laila, and as hard as he tried, he could not remember the name of the second. There was a giant on the island (because no island, or dream for that matter, is complete without a giant) who became our friend and our "Nanny" and helped to take care of our little girls.
Apparently, we grew quite accustomed to living alone on the island and loved our little lives. We did eventually get rescued and I think that in the dream, I had grown a little too used to living "Cave-Man Style". He told me that at the end of the dream, we were at his grandmother's house and he looked over and noticed that I was on the ground, wearing nothing but my skimpies, cleaning up a mess that had been made. He chuckled to himself and realized that he was going to have to remind me of how things were done back in the good ole USA, where just wearing your panties was not deemed appropriate.
Needless to say, it took me years to convince Joe that we were not naming our first daughter Laila. Besides his name choice, I absolutely fell in love with his dream and thought life would be so amazing if we would actually get stranded on an island and have those little girls...
Who knew that part of this dream could become reality???
Yesterday, Joe and I went in for our big Mac-Daddy ultrasound... the one that takes forever because they look at every little bit of baby to make sure that all is well. And, of course, it is the one where we would find out if we were having a boy or girl.
From the beginning of this pregnancy, Joe and I both had a feeling that Baby D was a girl. From his crazy dreams to my nauseating first trimester, we could not shake the feeling that Baby D was a she. This was something that made me slightly worried because what if we were wrong??? Would we have to tell our son, "Sorry, son, for the first half of the pregnancy, we were pretty sure you were a girl!"??? (I know I'm a nut... but these are the things that I worry about!)
Luckily, our hunch was right. Maybe ten minutes into the ultrasound, it was very obvious and clear as day that this baby was a girl. No question about it.
There have been moments during this pregnancy that seem to get me one step closer to this Holy Grail of Motherhood that I have wanted for such a long time: Positive Pregnancy test, seeing our little bean for the first time, feeling sick over and over again and then the pure relief when that sickness goes away, feeling the first little movements of baby, and now... knowing our baby is a girl and giving her the beginning of her identity, her name, a task that we did not take lightly.
This path has not been easy (and I know that it is just the beginning) but what an incredible and life changing event!!! My life has been full of blessings but this one, by far, has been the greatest. I don't think that I could be any luckier.
Besides finding out that little Addie is a she, we also learned that she is super healthy, developing properly, and is as active as her father (Lord, send me some patience!!!). The entire ultrasound, she was hopping around from one end of the uterus to the other, flipping and dancing, and I'm pretty sure I saw a fist pump in there somewhere! I have a feeling that all of her movement may have had to do with me recovering from a pretty bad stomach virus and the fact that yesterday was the first day that I was actually able to eat in several days. But, it also confirms all of the movement that I have been feeling and questioning if it was her or not. Yup. She's definitely moving in there!
We also got a new due date (this will be our third one!). The new date is April 23rd, which is only a few days before the one that we were going by BUT makes me at 20 weeks today... Halfway there!!! Joe thinks I'm a nut for being so worried about just a few days and making sure that we are tracking everything just right. But, I am a planner. I like my calendar. I like knowing which day starts our new week. And for Heaven's sakes, at the end of this pregnancy, those few days will make such a difference when I go in at 40 weeks and tell Doc that he needs to get our baby out now... Mommy is done! Nothing wrong with a little bit of planning!
So, as you can see, all is well on our little island in the desert. Mommy is happy. Addie is happy. Daddy is happy (and I'm sure a little nervous about now having two girls to worry about!). And we only have 20 weeks left until we meet our precious little pink bundle!
Now, onto the next order of business... Anyone know of a giant looking for a Part-time Nanny job??? ;)
He told me that somehow, we had gotten stranded on an island, just the two of us, and were there for years and years and years. We made a nice little shelter (in my mind, I imagine it to be quite like the one in Swiss Family Robinson) and we lived off of the land and were extremely happy and content. We eventually had two little girls, the oldest whom we named Laila, and as hard as he tried, he could not remember the name of the second. There was a giant on the island (because no island, or dream for that matter, is complete without a giant) who became our friend and our "Nanny" and helped to take care of our little girls.
Apparently, we grew quite accustomed to living alone on the island and loved our little lives. We did eventually get rescued and I think that in the dream, I had grown a little too used to living "Cave-Man Style". He told me that at the end of the dream, we were at his grandmother's house and he looked over and noticed that I was on the ground, wearing nothing but my skimpies, cleaning up a mess that had been made. He chuckled to himself and realized that he was going to have to remind me of how things were done back in the good ole USA, where just wearing your panties was not deemed appropriate.
Needless to say, it took me years to convince Joe that we were not naming our first daughter Laila. Besides his name choice, I absolutely fell in love with his dream and thought life would be so amazing if we would actually get stranded on an island and have those little girls...
Who knew that part of this dream could become reality???
Yesterday, Joe and I went in for our big Mac-Daddy ultrasound... the one that takes forever because they look at every little bit of baby to make sure that all is well. And, of course, it is the one where we would find out if we were having a boy or girl.
From the beginning of this pregnancy, Joe and I both had a feeling that Baby D was a girl. From his crazy dreams to my nauseating first trimester, we could not shake the feeling that Baby D was a she. This was something that made me slightly worried because what if we were wrong??? Would we have to tell our son, "Sorry, son, for the first half of the pregnancy, we were pretty sure you were a girl!"??? (I know I'm a nut... but these are the things that I worry about!)
Luckily, our hunch was right. Maybe ten minutes into the ultrasound, it was very obvious and clear as day that this baby was a girl. No question about it.
There have been moments during this pregnancy that seem to get me one step closer to this Holy Grail of Motherhood that I have wanted for such a long time: Positive Pregnancy test, seeing our little bean for the first time, feeling sick over and over again and then the pure relief when that sickness goes away, feeling the first little movements of baby, and now... knowing our baby is a girl and giving her the beginning of her identity, her name, a task that we did not take lightly.
This path has not been easy (and I know that it is just the beginning) but what an incredible and life changing event!!! My life has been full of blessings but this one, by far, has been the greatest. I don't think that I could be any luckier.
Besides finding out that little Addie is a she, we also learned that she is super healthy, developing properly, and is as active as her father (Lord, send me some patience!!!). The entire ultrasound, she was hopping around from one end of the uterus to the other, flipping and dancing, and I'm pretty sure I saw a fist pump in there somewhere! I have a feeling that all of her movement may have had to do with me recovering from a pretty bad stomach virus and the fact that yesterday was the first day that I was actually able to eat in several days. But, it also confirms all of the movement that I have been feeling and questioning if it was her or not. Yup. She's definitely moving in there!
We also got a new due date (this will be our third one!). The new date is April 23rd, which is only a few days before the one that we were going by BUT makes me at 20 weeks today... Halfway there!!! Joe thinks I'm a nut for being so worried about just a few days and making sure that we are tracking everything just right. But, I am a planner. I like my calendar. I like knowing which day starts our new week. And for Heaven's sakes, at the end of this pregnancy, those few days will make such a difference when I go in at 40 weeks and tell Doc that he needs to get our baby out now... Mommy is done! Nothing wrong with a little bit of planning!
So, as you can see, all is well on our little island in the desert. Mommy is happy. Addie is happy. Daddy is happy (and I'm sure a little nervous about now having two girls to worry about!). And we only have 20 weeks left until we meet our precious little pink bundle!
Now, onto the next order of business... Anyone know of a giant looking for a Part-time Nanny job??? ;)
I can't believe how much she has grown! My sweet baby girl! :)
I would have loved to do a gender reveal party with our families if we were home. Luckily, I have been blessed to meet an amazing photographer (who is actually the wife of Joe's old Commander) who offered to do a photo reveal for us. I can't express how grateful I am for this because it made yesterday that much more special. Thank you again, Melinda! These pictures are beautiful and we love them!
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