Since my pregnancy with Adaline feels like it was approximately ten minutes ago, it has been relatively easy to compare it to this new pregnancy. I'm sure that many women would agree that each pregnancy is completely different and for me, this holds to be incredibly true. A lot of it has been much, much easier but then again, some of it has been a hell of a lot harder.
For me, the first trimester this time around was easier. With both of my sweet babies I have been incredibly blessed with every pregnant woman's dream first trimester... Haha! Just kidding! I wish! First trimester totally sucked. Extreme exhaustion, constant nausea, and vomiting at any moment during the day (or night). So fun. So, how was this time around easier with my toddler banging on the bathroom door while mommy is losing her breakfast? Because:
1- I knew what to expect. The first time around, I had no idea how miserable I was going to be and let me tell you, I wallowed in it. I felt like crap and decided to hibernate for the next 9 months (I so wish I could hibernate again...). And 2- When you have a kid that needs you, there is seriously no time to be sick. You throw up and move on. You plan and throw a birthday party, pack and move to a new house, clean, get groceries, gag and change poopy diapers, all the while fighting off sleep and taking "up-chuck breaks". It sucks... but, you're Super Mom... so you just deal with it. And that actually did help. Once the first trimester was over and my body got used to the craziness that is pregnancy, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn, you are one bad ass bitch!"
This time, I am quite aware of how hard it is to lose baby weight. When I got pregnant with Addie, I may have been a little too excited about the fact that for once in my adult life I didn't really have to worry about a diet... and boy, did I celebrate. My appetite was huge and I gave in to my cravings for pretty much anything and everything. I also slowed down majorly on working out (there's not a whole lot of time to work out when you are hibernating). 43 pounds and a 6 lb, 12 oz baby later (yeah, I was just a little disappointed that Addie wasn't the reason I had gotten so big), I realized just how hard I had to work to get it off.
When I got pregnant with Bebe Deux, I still had four pounds left to lose. Not terrible but definitely not where I wanted to be. I have to give Adaline some credit because chasing her and constantly picking her up is one of the best work outs ever. We are also walking between two and three miles about five to six days a week and I am doing a 30-day squat challenge. I figured if everything else is going to get big, my legs might as well still look decent. I still give into those not-so-good food choices (I mean, seriously, can any pregnant lady resist ice cream???) but I am much more conscious of what I eat. There are a lot more salads and fruit. I'm at 20.5 weeks, still able to fit in my regular shorts... I have NO idea how this is happening... and have gained ten pounds so far. If I still end up gaining 43 pounds, well, at least I know that I am healthier and more active and definitely trying this time around. And I'll just go from there.
The hard stuff...
These past couple of weeks have been incredibly difficult for me and I know that a large portion of it is due to hormones. I think that guys... and hell, women do, too... joke about the hormones of a crazy pregnant women but truly, this shit makes life so much harder. I know that I can be completely overreacting to something and in my head, am thinking, "What are you doing?!? You are being absolutely ridiculous," but it is a train that cannot be stopped. Once the storm has passed and I am able to see clearly again, I am left feeling sad and regretful and it just stinks.
The hormones were there with my last pregnancy but this time around, it has been so much harder to deal with. Now, I have a teething toddler who is testing her tantrum-throwing skills and wants to be held all of the time. Now, my hubby is gone nearly every other two weeks for two weeks and I am missing his presence (and help) more than ever. "Me-time" no longer exists and I am exhausted every single day. I thought that pregnancy brain was bad before, but trying to form sentences with pregnancy brain while your toddler is throwing her fifth temper tantrum of the day because you won't let her play with a pair of scissors that miraculously appeared out of nowhere is beyond frustrating. And, then fear creeps in when you think, "We're adding ANOTHER BABY to the chaos?!?! What were we thinking???" And you feel like you absolutely can't do it for another minute of another day...
And then God sends you a break.
Your hubby tells you to go to the movies and to not worry about the baby. He's got it.
Your kiddo stops sucking on her nighttime bottle just so that she can give you a kiss.
And you remember and realize that this beautiful, crazy, sometimes-so-difficult mess that is mommyhood and pregnancy is SO worth it. And you're able to make it through another day.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Trial and Error
One of the main lessons that I have learned about parenting over this past year is that it is all about "trial and error."
It's funny because I think that many new parents enter this new role with all of these ideas and beliefs about what they want to happen when they are finally the ones in charge. They say things like, "MY kid will NEVER run around with messy hair/ half naked/ in a diaper." Or, "MY kid will never throw a fit in Wal-Mart and if she does, well, we are leaving immediately."
I think that these kinds of thoughts are completely normal and totally healthy because it shows that ultimately what we want is to be GOOD parents. But, then, that little human being shows up with their own set of ideas and wants and things begin to change...
Instead of leaving as soon as your kiddo starts hollering, you find yourself sprinting across Wal-Mart as you frantically try to check off the remaining items on your list because you will be damned if you have to make another trip later. Or, you realize that it's hot outside, you are at home, clothes on toddlers are just another thing that you have to wash, and this happens...
Anyone? I am all ears. And if anyone would like to volunteer for the job, feel free. We have five months until the new baby arrives and I'd like this to happen before we have even more changes to rock our world. Kay. Thanks! ;)
It's funny because I think that many new parents enter this new role with all of these ideas and beliefs about what they want to happen when they are finally the ones in charge. They say things like, "MY kid will NEVER run around with messy hair/ half naked/ in a diaper." Or, "MY kid will never throw a fit in Wal-Mart and if she does, well, we are leaving immediately."
I think that these kinds of thoughts are completely normal and totally healthy because it shows that ultimately what we want is to be GOOD parents. But, then, that little human being shows up with their own set of ideas and wants and things begin to change...
Instead of leaving as soon as your kiddo starts hollering, you find yourself sprinting across Wal-Mart as you frantically try to check off the remaining items on your list because you will be damned if you have to make another trip later. Or, you realize that it's hot outside, you are at home, clothes on toddlers are just another thing that you have to wash, and this happens...
...and she is still so damn cute
I have done my fair share of putting my foot in my mouth this past year. I will say that we are/aren't definitely going to do something with Adaline (and trust me, it is with the absolute best intention because I have completed plenty of research and have full faith in my decision)... and then my child has a different idea of what is going to happen and I am left scratching my head and thinking, "Well, what the hell am I gonna do now?!?!"
I have written in the past about how sleeping was a huge issue for us. We did sleep training with her, I wrote a whole post about how we had finally conquered the Great Sleep Debacle... and to be completely honest, I had to try it all over again seven months later when it finally stuck and that was when Adaline got the hang of sleeping in her own bed for a whole night.
The thing is, is that I had an idea of what should happen and I felt like a failure when it didn't. I thought that my child should be sleeping in her bed for the whole night because that's what "good" babies do. When people ask about your new baby, one of the very first questions that comes up is, "Is she sleeping through the night?" and if the answer is no, well, what are you doing wrong??? But, in reality, I think that (for us) my child just needed me throughout the night to be fed or comforted and it was fine. And then, when it stopped working for us and she was ready and I was ready to take that next step, sleep training was smooth sailing and she got it like a champ (and so did I).
So, why did I put so much pressure on myself???
Our issue these days deals with our lovely little friend, Bottle. I was absolutely certain that once we hit a year, I'd put those bad boys away and we'd all happily and merrily move on. I even made a nice little FB post about how we were done, done, done with the bottle (insert foot in mouth).
When we started off, I was strong and determined. She had been drinking water out of a sippy since she was about four or five months old. I had bought about seven different kinds of sippy cups for her to drink milk so I thought for sure that we'd be fine. I hid the bottles... and then I saw how absolutely miserable my child was. I hadn't just taken away a bottle for milk. I had taken away her only comfort object. She has never taken a pacifier, never had a "lovie," or blanket that she liked to hold onto. Her bottle is and has been her only source of comfort. And she was miserable. And there was no reprieve for my sweet and unhappy baby.
I tried for about week with bedtime bottles only... and after dealing with my miserable child alone (Joe was on rotation), she started getting an early evening bottle to go with that. And I'm not going to lie, with cutting teeth, her getting sick, me getting sick, Joe being on rotation... there may be a few bottles here and there.
And, once again, I am left feeling like I failed and scratching my head and thinking, "What in the hell am I gonna do now???" Cold turkey obviously does not work for us. If Joe were home more to give a bit of reprieve from Lady Grump, it might be a little easier. But, the real question is not about the bottle, but how do you lovingly help your child get rid of a comfort object without everyone losing their sanity in the process?? Or, am I putting too much pressure on both of us? Will this stuff just happen organically and maybe I shouldn't stress as much? I just don't know...
Anyone? I am all ears. And if anyone would like to volunteer for the job, feel free. We have five months until the new baby arrives and I'd like this to happen before we have even more changes to rock our world. Kay. Thanks! ;)
In her happy place :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Revamp and Update!
I've decided that this little blog needed a bit of a revamp considering how different things are since I started writing a few years ago. Before, my world solely and completely revolved around the man of my dreams, my Joe. Now, my universe has expanded to include a couple of additions. My weekends used to be focused on motorcycle day trips followed by fun nights out... and now they are just a tad bit more low key. Seriously, I hardly notice when Fridays come around these days and it's really okay. I have fully embraced my roles as wife and mother and I LOVE it. I have never felt happier and more sure that this is the exact place that I am supposed to be.
So, of course, this blog needed to reflect that. Joe and I will never be rich. He'll be in the army until he retires and one day, after I am done being a stay-at-home momma, I plan to resume my career as a teacher. Money is tight but we are happy and that is our goal and that is essentially what we want for our kids. Trust me, I know that this is not always easy... but if a couple can still find happiness in the miserable little desert island that is Fort Irwin, it is definitely possible!
My sweet Adaline is a year old (she's actually almost 13 months but I'm going to try my hardest not to be that mom that makes you do math when I tell you the age of my kiddo). This child amazes me. Every. Single. Day. She is affectionate and sweet and loves to be cuddled and patted. She has even started to take my hand and put it on her leg so that I can give her a nice little pat. She is a momma's girl, which usually isn't an issue until she is hanging onto my legs while I'm cooking dinner. She loves to make people laugh and will try to catch the attention of random strangers and start laughing, in hopes that they will laugh in return. She loves to "talk" and will often "ask questions." My go-to response is usually, "Yes," which tends to make me nervous afterwards because I realize that she could be asking me if it's cool for her to play with the electric sockets or fly off of the roof... and I just gave her the go-ahead. I probably should rethink my answer. And she is smart. I know every parent says that their kiddo is smart but she really is! I'm amazed at the stuff that she picks up daily and seeing her grow and develop into a little person has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
She sounds perfect, right? Pretty close! We have definitely entered toddler-hood and all of the fun things that go with it: teething, stubborness, temper tantrums, etc. Things that I never thought would be an issue (getting rid of bottles, for instance) have completely blown my mind and I am usually left dazed and confused as to what in the heck is going on with this little being. (More on this later.) It may not be perfect but I wouldn't trade this for anything.
Since God saw that we were having so much fun with our peanut, I guess that was when He decided to send another one on the way.
Joe and I had briefly talked about another baby but there was nothing set on when we'd "officially" start trying. After eight months, I decided to reclaim my body and quit breastfeeding. As much as I loved that time with Addie, it was lovely to be able to have a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day with my hubs. I felt like a free woman again. I was running, concentrating on getting in shape, and I figured that we would wait until Addie was about a year to start on baby #2 (which just so happens to be after our anniversary where I was hoping for a weekend getaway so momma could have one last hurrah!).
One month after I quit breastfeeding, I decided to take a pregnancy test since I was enjoying my vino and there was no cycle in sight. It was Monday, February 17th. Joe had started a rotation that weekend and had come in that morning at about 3:00, so he was still sleeping when I got up with Addie. I vividly remember taking the test, looking over as she was digging through the bathroom cabinet and thinking to myself, "What in the heck would I do with two babies?!?" Less than a minute later, two pink lines appeared and told me that I was gonna have to figure that one out.
I am beyond thrilled about our new baby but I'm not going to lie, there are moments of sheer panic when I think about the crazy ride that is ahead of us. And then I remember that despite any craziness that is involved with having a baby around, there is a whole lot of love and joy and something magical and that fear kind of slips away.
I am 17 weeks and despite the fact that Joe is gone and on rotation, I am enjoying the fact that Adaline is asleep and my sweet little baby is happy and snug in my belly. All is good in our little world and we are happy!
So, of course, this blog needed to reflect that. Joe and I will never be rich. He'll be in the army until he retires and one day, after I am done being a stay-at-home momma, I plan to resume my career as a teacher. Money is tight but we are happy and that is our goal and that is essentially what we want for our kids. Trust me, I know that this is not always easy... but if a couple can still find happiness in the miserable little desert island that is Fort Irwin, it is definitely possible!
My sweet Adaline is a year old (she's actually almost 13 months but I'm going to try my hardest not to be that mom that makes you do math when I tell you the age of my kiddo). This child amazes me. Every. Single. Day. She is affectionate and sweet and loves to be cuddled and patted. She has even started to take my hand and put it on her leg so that I can give her a nice little pat. She is a momma's girl, which usually isn't an issue until she is hanging onto my legs while I'm cooking dinner. She loves to make people laugh and will try to catch the attention of random strangers and start laughing, in hopes that they will laugh in return. She loves to "talk" and will often "ask questions." My go-to response is usually, "Yes," which tends to make me nervous afterwards because I realize that she could be asking me if it's cool for her to play with the electric sockets or fly off of the roof... and I just gave her the go-ahead. I probably should rethink my answer. And she is smart. I know every parent says that their kiddo is smart but she really is! I'm amazed at the stuff that she picks up daily and seeing her grow and develop into a little person has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
She sounds perfect, right? Pretty close! We have definitely entered toddler-hood and all of the fun things that go with it: teething, stubborness, temper tantrums, etc. Things that I never thought would be an issue (getting rid of bottles, for instance) have completely blown my mind and I am usually left dazed and confused as to what in the heck is going on with this little being. (More on this later.) It may not be perfect but I wouldn't trade this for anything.
Since God saw that we were having so much fun with our peanut, I guess that was when He decided to send another one on the way.
Joe and I had briefly talked about another baby but there was nothing set on when we'd "officially" start trying. After eight months, I decided to reclaim my body and quit breastfeeding. As much as I loved that time with Addie, it was lovely to be able to have a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day with my hubs. I felt like a free woman again. I was running, concentrating on getting in shape, and I figured that we would wait until Addie was about a year to start on baby #2 (which just so happens to be after our anniversary where I was hoping for a weekend getaway so momma could have one last hurrah!).
One month after I quit breastfeeding, I decided to take a pregnancy test since I was enjoying my vino and there was no cycle in sight. It was Monday, February 17th. Joe had started a rotation that weekend and had come in that morning at about 3:00, so he was still sleeping when I got up with Addie. I vividly remember taking the test, looking over as she was digging through the bathroom cabinet and thinking to myself, "What in the heck would I do with two babies?!?" Less than a minute later, two pink lines appeared and told me that I was gonna have to figure that one out.
I am beyond thrilled about our new baby but I'm not going to lie, there are moments of sheer panic when I think about the crazy ride that is ahead of us. And then I remember that despite any craziness that is involved with having a baby around, there is a whole lot of love and joy and something magical and that fear kind of slips away.
I am 17 weeks and despite the fact that Joe is gone and on rotation, I am enjoying the fact that Adaline is asleep and my sweet little baby is happy and snug in my belly. All is good in our little world and we are happy!
My view these days...
Friday, November 22, 2013
It's apparent you're a parent...
Many times during the day, I find myself doing or thinking things that either never crossed my mind until six and a half months ago or hasn't crossed my mind since I was in college. Since I've had Adaline, I find myself making a pot of coffee at one in the afternoon (I haven't drank this much coffee since college), washing my hair maybe twice a week (it's sad when the girls in your work out class notice that your hair is looking especially fresh and clean), finding jeans too dressy for the day (yoga pants it is, again!), throwing on a baseball cap several days of the week, and giving the term "wrestling" a new definition to mean putting a diaper on your six month old.
These little realizations make me laugh and I wouldn't change being a parent for the world! I could come up with a hundred ways to finish the sentence, "You know you are a parent when..." but I decided to throw it out to my FB friends and they totally ran with it! So, here are my favorites and I hope they make you laugh (because of their simple truth) as much as I did...
You know you are a parent when....
These little realizations make me laugh and I wouldn't change being a parent for the world! I could come up with a hundred ways to finish the sentence, "You know you are a parent when..." but I decided to throw it out to my FB friends and they totally ran with it! So, here are my favorites and I hope they make you laugh (because of their simple truth) as much as I did...
You know you are a parent when....
- You only get between 3 to five hours of sleep a night. K. Posey
- You consider going to the bathroom by yourself a luxury! Madison Harbach
- Silence becomes suspicious. C. Scott
- You look a mess but your baby is dressed to impress. C. Scott
- When going to the grocery store by yourself is a mini vacation. K. Scott
- The hair on you and your husband's legs is the same length!! R. Ezell
- You hide in the laundry room to eat a snack so you do not have to share. J. Franks
- You find yourself speaking to adults in your high-pitched baby voice... and the baby is no where to be found. S. Lippold
- Slobber, snot, and other bodily fluids no longer bother you... even when they are on your shirt.
- You pray five minutes to put away laundry without a baby screaming. S. Lippold
- You can do just about anything one handed. N. Richert
- You run to the store and realize that you have dried baby vomit, or baby food on your pants, and you just don't care. J. Hester
- You can touch anything in world after changing diapers. S. Scott
- You forget to eat because your kid keeps you that busy. K. Humphrey
- It is perfectly acceptable to sniff a baby's diaper to make sure it isn't your kid that is stinking the place up. H. Moyer
- Washing your hair is a luxury. E. Nowak
- You announce to others you are going potty instead of excusing yourself to go to the restroom!! B. Usie
- Your kid isn't in the room or even home for that matter and you realize you've been watching nick jr./Disney jr/sprout and singing along with the songs. K. Whatley
- You have 5 minutes to make the crucial decision to either 1.) go to the bathroom 2.) quickly shower, or 3.) eat. Yet, you choose to just sit down instead. L. Coup
- You use "the mommy voice" with confused ICU patients. A. Arnold (I'm not a nurse but I find myself using my mommy voice with other people's kids, my husband, or that waitress who just isn't understanding my order... Oops!)
- You rock a minivan. And when you hate the minivan because you are so uncool, but can't give it up for the sake of practicality. A. Arnold
- When you turn around for two seconds and you hear the fire alarm going off and realize your child pulled it
- You learn to potty with a baby on your lap. J. Huval (Seriously! Who knew going to the bathroom would be so difficult after having a kid?!?!)
- You hand your baby to someone else to hold, but you continue bouncing up and down. J. Huval
- You can fart in public and just say "Man, her diaper needs a change." J. Daugherty (OF COURSE, my husband would come up with this one. I'm such a proud wife. I'm even prouder of the fact that he really does do this! Haha!)
- When you retrieve boogers from someone else's nose! C. Fenison
- When you are completely oblivious to your kids whining...but your childless friends feel like it's the worst sound ever. T. Daugherty
- Mommy-torture used to be something that you dreaded. Now, it's something that you look forward to! And you HAVE to get a picture of it....
"You mean to tell me that the big fat man is gonna bring ME presents?!?!"
- When you look at the tiny human and realize that all of the hope, dreams, love, pride, joy and amazement you've ever felt, or will ever feel is in that sweet little smile. And when they accomplish something new, or difficult, the compilation of those things expands to the point where you think your heart might burst. K. Scott
Monday, November 18, 2013
Spoiled
A few months ago, I looked at my child and had no idea what in the heck was going on with her. Was she teething? Going through a growth spurt? Hungry, tired, or hurt? No. No. No.
And Adaline looked at me and was like, "Why in the heck don't you know what's wrong with me??? You are my MOM!!! You are supposed to KNOW THESE THINGS!!!" Followed by her clinging onto me and a whole lot of whining and fussing.
To top it off, Joe was in the field.
I was at my whit's end and started texting my bestie who proceeded to ask if she was going through a Wonder Week. I had never heard of such a thing.
Moms, if you have an infant or are expecting, I highly advise you to download the Wonder Weeks App or even go ahead and get the book. When you are asking yourself, "I wonder what in the heck is going on with my kid right now?" or "I wonder where my sweet child has gone?" or "I wonder what little demon has taken my child's form and moved into my house?", all you have to do is pull up this handy app and it explains what is going on with your child's cognitive development and why they are acting especially trying and then you can sigh with relief and pat yourself on the back for figuring out that it's not YOU, it's their sweet lil developing brain.
Seriously. Go and get it. It's the best 1.99 you will spend in the App Store.
I digress.
We are in Week 30 of Addie's development. Last Monday, I couldn't figure out why she was holding onto me for dear life. I pulled up the app to see why and was informed:
"Fussy and irritable behavior as around 29 or 30 weeks is not a telltale sign of another leap. You baby has simply discovered that his mommy can walk away and leave him behind. Funny as it may sound, this is progress. It is a new skill. He is learning about distances."
This is great to know. It gives me a sense of relief that I am not totally screwing up my child when I have exhausted all of my resources and she is still not my happy-go-lucky girl. But, oh my goodness, this past week has me exhausted and absolutely emotionally drained.
This past week, we not only dealt with the side effects from vaccinations and the flu shot but I am fairly certain that I have witnessed our first temper tantrums. When Joe would have her, she'd be completely fine. I'd walk into the room and she would start whining for me. I proceeded with our night time routine as usual, laid her down, sang her a song, turned to walk away and I swear, the child looked up through those sleepy eyes and started kicking and screaming.
I know that we have turned that six-month-corner where babies go from being little lumps of existence to being smart little humans that know what they need to do to get what they want. Joe and I both noticed this difference and, man, I thought I was ready for this. Turns out, I am not.
The last thing that I want is a child who thinks that she can get away with anything. It's so easy for parents who have children that are grown to throw out, "So-and-so's kid is SO spoiled... You should see the way that they act." And, I may have said something similar to this a time or two when I was still all-knowing on the art of parenting... before I had a kid.
Now that I sit in the seat of judgment, the line between spoiling and care seems blurrier than ever. I can't sit my six month old down and explain WHY she can't kick and scream every time momma needs to walk away for a second. I also refuse to hear my child scream for hours on end. Where is this line???
It doesn't help when I feel like "Bad Mommy" because I need a minute away. I know that I can't be the only momma out there who feels like at the end of the day, there is just no more to give. I have reached my limit, expended all of my energy, love, patience, and I am just done... and boy, oh boy, do I feel bad about it. Becoming a mother is the all time greatest job ever and it's all that I have ever wanted... So, why are these moments so difficult?
I feel that the line between spoiled and care is different for each family. I want my daughter to grow up happy and strong and to never have a single doubt that she is loved. When I found out that I was pregnant, I made a solemn vow to Joe, God, and our daughter that I would do the absolute best job that I could do... and this is what I strive for each and every day.
We will get through the rough parts and I will enjoy the good (which I can honestly say is 90% of the time). And I will try and remain patient and loving and caring... and if Adaline ends up being a spoiled, but very sweet, little girl... well then, we will blame that one on her daddy.
Sounds like a plan to me!
And Adaline looked at me and was like, "Why in the heck don't you know what's wrong with me??? You are my MOM!!! You are supposed to KNOW THESE THINGS!!!" Followed by her clinging onto me and a whole lot of whining and fussing.
To top it off, Joe was in the field.
I was at my whit's end and started texting my bestie who proceeded to ask if she was going through a Wonder Week. I had never heard of such a thing.
Moms, if you have an infant or are expecting, I highly advise you to download the Wonder Weeks App or even go ahead and get the book. When you are asking yourself, "I wonder what in the heck is going on with my kid right now?" or "I wonder where my sweet child has gone?" or "I wonder what little demon has taken my child's form and moved into my house?", all you have to do is pull up this handy app and it explains what is going on with your child's cognitive development and why they are acting especially trying and then you can sigh with relief and pat yourself on the back for figuring out that it's not YOU, it's their sweet lil developing brain.
Seriously. Go and get it. It's the best 1.99 you will spend in the App Store.
I digress.
We are in Week 30 of Addie's development. Last Monday, I couldn't figure out why she was holding onto me for dear life. I pulled up the app to see why and was informed:
"Fussy and irritable behavior as around 29 or 30 weeks is not a telltale sign of another leap. You baby has simply discovered that his mommy can walk away and leave him behind. Funny as it may sound, this is progress. It is a new skill. He is learning about distances."
This is great to know. It gives me a sense of relief that I am not totally screwing up my child when I have exhausted all of my resources and she is still not my happy-go-lucky girl. But, oh my goodness, this past week has me exhausted and absolutely emotionally drained.
This past week, we not only dealt with the side effects from vaccinations and the flu shot but I am fairly certain that I have witnessed our first temper tantrums. When Joe would have her, she'd be completely fine. I'd walk into the room and she would start whining for me. I proceeded with our night time routine as usual, laid her down, sang her a song, turned to walk away and I swear, the child looked up through those sleepy eyes and started kicking and screaming.
I know that we have turned that six-month-corner where babies go from being little lumps of existence to being smart little humans that know what they need to do to get what they want. Joe and I both noticed this difference and, man, I thought I was ready for this. Turns out, I am not.
The last thing that I want is a child who thinks that she can get away with anything. It's so easy for parents who have children that are grown to throw out, "So-and-so's kid is SO spoiled... You should see the way that they act." And, I may have said something similar to this a time or two when I was still all-knowing on the art of parenting... before I had a kid.
Now that I sit in the seat of judgment, the line between spoiling and care seems blurrier than ever. I can't sit my six month old down and explain WHY she can't kick and scream every time momma needs to walk away for a second. I also refuse to hear my child scream for hours on end. Where is this line???
It doesn't help when I feel like "Bad Mommy" because I need a minute away. I know that I can't be the only momma out there who feels like at the end of the day, there is just no more to give. I have reached my limit, expended all of my energy, love, patience, and I am just done... and boy, oh boy, do I feel bad about it. Becoming a mother is the all time greatest job ever and it's all that I have ever wanted... So, why are these moments so difficult?
I feel that the line between spoiled and care is different for each family. I want my daughter to grow up happy and strong and to never have a single doubt that she is loved. When I found out that I was pregnant, I made a solemn vow to Joe, God, and our daughter that I would do the absolute best job that I could do... and this is what I strive for each and every day.
We will get through the rough parts and I will enjoy the good (which I can honestly say is 90% of the time). And I will try and remain patient and loving and caring... and if Adaline ends up being a spoiled, but very sweet, little girl... well then, we will blame that one on her daddy.
Sounds like a plan to me!
Friday, November 15, 2013
My Everest
From my backdoor, I can look to the left and see Tiefort. It is the tallest mountain that surrounds this valley that is Fort Irwin and this view is one of the only things that I actually like about our house.
When we first got here and I was still pregnant, I told Joe that I would like to climb it before we left... of course, I said this with absolutely no intention of ever following through. It was an idea for some far away goal that would never come to fruition and I didn't really care to see it through.
And then Joe came home a few weeks ago and said that he had signed me up for the climb.
Lovely.
So, this past Wednesday, we woke up early, put on our hiking boots, dropped Addie off at my girlfriend's house, and with our backpacks full of water, peanut butter sandwiches, and bananas, we made the arduous trek up this damn mountain.
Oh my goodness.
At first, it seemed easy. I was energetic from two cups of coffee that morning and had the new Britney song in my head and was bee-bopping along. No sweat... actually, there was a little sweat but I didn't mind.
But, see, here's the thing about mountains that I didn't know about... You have to go up, up, up... then go down a bit, then go up some more. Ummm... hello, where is the elevator? Or the gondola? Or anything else that wouldn't completely mess with your head???
The views were absolutely gorgeous and after two hours, we made it to the FIRST peak... and then had to go down a bit (and back up) to make it to the second and highest peak. By this time, I am pretty much done and all that I can think about is my pb&j... but I kept moving along.
After another hour and a half (we are at three and a half hours now), we FINALLY made it to the very top of Tiefort. And it was the most amazing view (and feeling) ever.
But here's the other thing that I didn't think about when planning for this trip... It's not like a race. With a race, once you have crossed the finish line, you are done. You can pat yourself on the back, grab a beer, and then be on your merry way. Apparently, when you get to the top of the mountain, you rest for a minute and then you have to climb down... WHAT?!?!?
At first, the climb down seemed relatively easy. But then we came up with the brilliant idea of skirting the mountain so that we didn't have to do the climb back up.
While we were on the path less traveled, this was the prayer that was coming out of my mouth as I tried to find a steady place to put my feet,
"Dear God, please don't let me die on this mountain... I need to see my daughter again... and I promise that I'll do better... I'll be a nicer person... and I'll try not skip bible study.... I promise I'll just be better. Please don't let me die. And please help me get off of this damn mountain quickly. Thanks."
You are laughing.
I am serious.
I was scared.
After another three and a half hours, a few falls, scrapes, and bruises, we made it down.
I have run three half-marathons and had a baby... I think climbing this mountain may have been harder than all of those. I am so proud of myself for finishing but I think I am retiring from climbing huge mountains like this. God knew what He was doing when He had me grow up in a place that was below sea level. I prefer flat ground. I have climbed my Mount Everest and I think I'm pretty much done with that nonsense. ;)
When we first got here and I was still pregnant, I told Joe that I would like to climb it before we left... of course, I said this with absolutely no intention of ever following through. It was an idea for some far away goal that would never come to fruition and I didn't really care to see it through.
And then Joe came home a few weeks ago and said that he had signed me up for the climb.
Lovely.
So, this past Wednesday, we woke up early, put on our hiking boots, dropped Addie off at my girlfriend's house, and with our backpacks full of water, peanut butter sandwiches, and bananas, we made the arduous trek up this damn mountain.
Oh my goodness.
At first, it seemed easy. I was energetic from two cups of coffee that morning and had the new Britney song in my head and was bee-bopping along. No sweat... actually, there was a little sweat but I didn't mind.
But, see, here's the thing about mountains that I didn't know about... You have to go up, up, up... then go down a bit, then go up some more. Ummm... hello, where is the elevator? Or the gondola? Or anything else that wouldn't completely mess with your head???
The views were absolutely gorgeous and after two hours, we made it to the FIRST peak... and then had to go down a bit (and back up) to make it to the second and highest peak. By this time, I am pretty much done and all that I can think about is my pb&j... but I kept moving along.
After another hour and a half (we are at three and a half hours now), we FINALLY made it to the very top of Tiefort. And it was the most amazing view (and feeling) ever.
But here's the other thing that I didn't think about when planning for this trip... It's not like a race. With a race, once you have crossed the finish line, you are done. You can pat yourself on the back, grab a beer, and then be on your merry way. Apparently, when you get to the top of the mountain, you rest for a minute and then you have to climb down... WHAT?!?!?
At first, the climb down seemed relatively easy. But then we came up with the brilliant idea of skirting the mountain so that we didn't have to do the climb back up.
While we were on the path less traveled, this was the prayer that was coming out of my mouth as I tried to find a steady place to put my feet,
"Dear God, please don't let me die on this mountain... I need to see my daughter again... and I promise that I'll do better... I'll be a nicer person... and I'll try not skip bible study.... I promise I'll just be better. Please don't let me die. And please help me get off of this damn mountain quickly. Thanks."
You are laughing.
I am serious.
I was scared.
After another three and a half hours, a few falls, scrapes, and bruises, we made it down.
I have run three half-marathons and had a baby... I think climbing this mountain may have been harder than all of those. I am so proud of myself for finishing but I think I am retiring from climbing huge mountains like this. God knew what He was doing when He had me grow up in a place that was below sea level. I prefer flat ground. I have climbed my Mount Everest and I think I'm pretty much done with that nonsense. ;)
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Mommy Lessons
As I blow the dust off of my keyboard, I am in complete amazement that six months have flown by with our precious girl.
I have always been the type of girl that was looking forward to whatever was right around the corner. I couldn't wait for Friday, or the next concert, or the next weekend getaway that Joe and I would take. During my entire pregnancy, I drove Joe nuts with my impatience. I couldn't WAIT for Baby D to be bigger than the size of a grape... and I couldn't WAIT for us to find out if Baby D was a girl or a boy... and I couldn't WAIT until the nursery was complete and Miss Adaline was in our arms. Now, I can't WAIT for time to slow down... It is all going by so quickly.
I have not been a very good blogger since I have had Addie. My days fill up quickly and in the blink of an eye, life at Irwin has become a whole lot better with friends and different social groups. There isn't a whole lot of "me-free" time but documenting our life is important to me and something that I really want to get back into. So, here I am! Back at the computer and ready to share our experiences.
Instead of going over the entire past six months (I know you are all dying to hear every single bit), I thought of sharing some of the lessons that I have learned since I have stepped into my mommy role...
Lesson 1: Traveling with a baby is totally possible
It really is. Joe and I were so worried before Addie was here that we wouldn't be able to do as much. We are the couple that loves to get up and go away for the weekend and we wondered if this was possible with a baby. It is.
Adaline has been cross-country twice (all road trips) and we have gone camping with her several times. I think the best advice that I can give is PATIENCE. Everything takes a lot longer to get done with a baby... packing, traveling, setting up. Joe and I both get pretty stressed when getting ready to leave and even though we may have tiny moments of snapping at each other, we are quick to apologize, forgive and move on. And, even with these times of stress, getting these amazing family experiences is SO worth it. I mean, really, our child can say that she went cross-country before she was four months old... How cool is that?!?!
I could do a whole blog on this topic alone but I will wrap it up by adding that when traveling with a baby, make sure to bring the necessities... leave the rest at home. I bring her pack-n-play, her Cloud B Gentle Giraffe, monitors, and of course, clothes, diapers, etc, and that's it. I have fed Addie in her car seat instead of bringing the high chair and have given her baths in a sink. Babies don't care and they are totally portable... that's why God made them so little! ;)
Lesson 2: It's all about perspective
Just the other day, I spent the entire afternoon making two different soups that were baby friendly. I was so excited to be making a good meal for us, as well as giving Addie new flavors and healthy food to try. She was a doll all day! She played and laughed and taste-tested as I worked away to make a couple of nice meals for my little family.
Dinner time came around and oh my good Lord, the child lost it. I had a hot mess on my hands. I would give her a bite of soup and she would eat it while screaming and acting as if I had created the world's greatest torture device.
I could have been upset. I was exhausted, she was exhausted, and we both were so done. Instead of choosing that route, I grabbed my phone, snapped a pic, and laughed because I knew that she would get amusement from this pic when she was older.
I feel that once I became a parent, I have been much more aware of my mood and my reaction to situations. Life is far from perfect but if I'm having a shitty day, is it really fair for my sweet and innocent child to have to deal with my shitty attitude? I don't think so. This isn't always easy to do. Sometimes Joe drives me nuts (and I know that I do the same to him) but the last thing that I want is for my child to be living in a negative environment. Realizing this and being a bit more introspective on what's important and what's not important, really does make life a lot better... and situations a lot easier to deal with. And I find that once I fix my attitude for her, internally everything seems to settle and become better.
Like I said, this is not always easy to do but it is definitely something that I strive to work on for her sake, for mine, and for a healthy family environment.
Lesson 3: Priorities change
I remember that back in the day (ha! ha!), I'd get so excited about new clothes. I'd get dressed up for work, heels, make-up, and all. Every week, I'd pop over to Target and get something new to wear to go out on Friday night.
Most days, jeans are way too dressy now, I am in love with my yoga pants, my hair is usually in a ponytail or baseball cap, and my kiddo is dressed way cuter than me.
It just doesn't matter anymore.
I still get dressed when we go somewhere but I'd rather have that hour of primping to spend time with my kiddo. Naps and cuddling are a necessity. And a really fantastic Friday night is pizza, a bottle of wine, and a movie with my hubs. Life is so much simpler but I have never been happier.
Lesson 4: Marriage is more important than ever
One of my good girlfriends here at Irwin said that when she had her baby, she kind of mourned that it was no longer just her and her husband anymore. This totally resonated with me because I completely understood the feeling.
Since we got pregnant, Joe and I have had to redefine our relationship. I'm sure that many mommas can agree that becoming a mother is all-consuming. It completely takes over your body and depletes you of your energy... and if you breastfeed, your child continues to have a hold of your body. It can be absolutely exhausting and at times, I felt like I had no more to give to Joe.
I am so lucky. He has shown an incredible amount of patience, love, and understanding. We have had to communicate more than ever... and I know that most men cringe from that word: "communicate"... but that is the only way that we are making it through and still laughing.
Life will never be perfect but I have never felt more full, content, blessed, and exhausted at the end of each day. While falling asleep, I find myself throwing up a quick prayer thanking God for blessing me with Adaline, letting me be a witness to this beautiful child's life, choosing us to be her parents, and being so grateful that Joe is the one next to me in this journey. Wow. So blessed.
I have always been the type of girl that was looking forward to whatever was right around the corner. I couldn't wait for Friday, or the next concert, or the next weekend getaway that Joe and I would take. During my entire pregnancy, I drove Joe nuts with my impatience. I couldn't WAIT for Baby D to be bigger than the size of a grape... and I couldn't WAIT for us to find out if Baby D was a girl or a boy... and I couldn't WAIT until the nursery was complete and Miss Adaline was in our arms. Now, I can't WAIT for time to slow down... It is all going by so quickly.
I have not been a very good blogger since I have had Addie. My days fill up quickly and in the blink of an eye, life at Irwin has become a whole lot better with friends and different social groups. There isn't a whole lot of "me-free" time but documenting our life is important to me and something that I really want to get back into. So, here I am! Back at the computer and ready to share our experiences.
Instead of going over the entire past six months (I know you are all dying to hear every single bit), I thought of sharing some of the lessons that I have learned since I have stepped into my mommy role...
Lesson 1: Traveling with a baby is totally possible
It really is. Joe and I were so worried before Addie was here that we wouldn't be able to do as much. We are the couple that loves to get up and go away for the weekend and we wondered if this was possible with a baby. It is.
Adaline has been cross-country twice (all road trips) and we have gone camping with her several times. I think the best advice that I can give is PATIENCE. Everything takes a lot longer to get done with a baby... packing, traveling, setting up. Joe and I both get pretty stressed when getting ready to leave and even though we may have tiny moments of snapping at each other, we are quick to apologize, forgive and move on. And, even with these times of stress, getting these amazing family experiences is SO worth it. I mean, really, our child can say that she went cross-country before she was four months old... How cool is that?!?!
I could do a whole blog on this topic alone but I will wrap it up by adding that when traveling with a baby, make sure to bring the necessities... leave the rest at home. I bring her pack-n-play, her Cloud B Gentle Giraffe, monitors, and of course, clothes, diapers, etc, and that's it. I have fed Addie in her car seat instead of bringing the high chair and have given her baths in a sink. Babies don't care and they are totally portable... that's why God made them so little! ;)
Lesson 2: It's all about perspective
Just the other day, I spent the entire afternoon making two different soups that were baby friendly. I was so excited to be making a good meal for us, as well as giving Addie new flavors and healthy food to try. She was a doll all day! She played and laughed and taste-tested as I worked away to make a couple of nice meals for my little family.
Dinner time came around and oh my good Lord, the child lost it. I had a hot mess on my hands. I would give her a bite of soup and she would eat it while screaming and acting as if I had created the world's greatest torture device.
I could have been upset. I was exhausted, she was exhausted, and we both were so done. Instead of choosing that route, I grabbed my phone, snapped a pic, and laughed because I knew that she would get amusement from this pic when she was older.
I feel that once I became a parent, I have been much more aware of my mood and my reaction to situations. Life is far from perfect but if I'm having a shitty day, is it really fair for my sweet and innocent child to have to deal with my shitty attitude? I don't think so. This isn't always easy to do. Sometimes Joe drives me nuts (and I know that I do the same to him) but the last thing that I want is for my child to be living in a negative environment. Realizing this and being a bit more introspective on what's important and what's not important, really does make life a lot better... and situations a lot easier to deal with. And I find that once I fix my attitude for her, internally everything seems to settle and become better.
Like I said, this is not always easy to do but it is definitely something that I strive to work on for her sake, for mine, and for a healthy family environment.
Lesson 3: Priorities change
I remember that back in the day (ha! ha!), I'd get so excited about new clothes. I'd get dressed up for work, heels, make-up, and all. Every week, I'd pop over to Target and get something new to wear to go out on Friday night.
Most days, jeans are way too dressy now, I am in love with my yoga pants, my hair is usually in a ponytail or baseball cap, and my kiddo is dressed way cuter than me.
It just doesn't matter anymore.
I still get dressed when we go somewhere but I'd rather have that hour of primping to spend time with my kiddo. Naps and cuddling are a necessity. And a really fantastic Friday night is pizza, a bottle of wine, and a movie with my hubs. Life is so much simpler but I have never been happier.
Lesson 4: Marriage is more important than ever
One of my good girlfriends here at Irwin said that when she had her baby, she kind of mourned that it was no longer just her and her husband anymore. This totally resonated with me because I completely understood the feeling.
Since we got pregnant, Joe and I have had to redefine our relationship. I'm sure that many mommas can agree that becoming a mother is all-consuming. It completely takes over your body and depletes you of your energy... and if you breastfeed, your child continues to have a hold of your body. It can be absolutely exhausting and at times, I felt like I had no more to give to Joe.
I am so lucky. He has shown an incredible amount of patience, love, and understanding. We have had to communicate more than ever... and I know that most men cringe from that word: "communicate"... but that is the only way that we are making it through and still laughing.
Life will never be perfect but I have never felt more full, content, blessed, and exhausted at the end of each day. While falling asleep, I find myself throwing up a quick prayer thanking God for blessing me with Adaline, letting me be a witness to this beautiful child's life, choosing us to be her parents, and being so grateful that Joe is the one next to me in this journey. Wow. So blessed.
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