The Winds of Change

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.  Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow.  Let reality be reality.  Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

- Lao Tzu

Change in life is inevitable.  Despite this, I am always surprised when Life swoops in, hands me a basket full of changes at once, and leaves me a bit shell shocked and confused about which direction I should go.     

I feel like this is one of those times.

I knew that the move to California would be an adjustment but I don't think that I mentally prepared myself for the huge change that it is actually turning out to be.  Before we got here, all I could think about were the trips that we would take in between Joe's work schedule, the cool places that we would take our baby, and all of the time that I'd have to try recipes and projects from Pinterest.  I guess I did this to keep from getting too scared about moving clear across the country.  My mantra was, "Focus on the good.  Everything else will work itself out." 

Since we moved into our new home, it's been a little bit harder than that.  This is not my first move to another city or state and I have learned that there is a very difficult period of adjustment that immediately follows.  There's learning your way around the new town.  Discovering new stores and the ability to find the items that you need in these new stores.  Finding new places to eat or hang out.  And for me, the absolute hardest part, getting through that period of time where you don't know a single person (besides your significant other) and then eventually making friends.

Finding a store is easy but meeting new people, especially with this move, has been incredibly hard for me.  For most of my adolescent years, I was that painfully shy girl, sitting alone with her nose stuck in a book.  I became more outgoing in High School and College and blossomed into the woman that I am today.  But, when I am in a new situation and feel uncomfortable, that old, shy girl creeps in, takes control of my body, forms a lump in my throat, and I feel an overwhelming need to hide under a blanket. 

This is not one of my best traits.  

The changes with this move have not helped that shy, little girl.  Normally, I would push her aside and meet people at a new job.  But, with the baby on the way and the closest English teaching position two hours away, Hubs and I decided that now would be the perfect time for me to stay at home, prepare for our little one, and then take care of our sweet baby when he or she arrives.

The other option would be to meet people through Joe's new coworkers.  This would be fine except for the fact that we are now on a rotation where he leaves for two weeks, comes home for a few days, and then the cycle continues.  

For a shy, pregnant, hormonal woman, this can seem a bit overwhelming... and trust me, at times, it feels nearly impossible.  For the past week, I have been feeling kind of blue, so totally homesick,  and suffering with writer's block.  I started looking online for quotes on "Change" to find some inspiration.  I found the quote above by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu and realized that I was doing exactly what he suggested NOT to do.  I was resisting change.  

I realized that I have been moping around our house, missing Texas, our old home, our friends, being close to my family, plain-old missing our old lives, and not noticing all of the wonderful things around me.  I hadn't noticed the fact that this house is actually starting to look like a home (I have to admit, it's been my biggest project yet), or that we are living in a beautiful part of the country that I have not even given a chance.  For once in my life, I can try all of these new recipes that I have been dying to try because I have the time and well, let's be honest, this is the only time in my life when I don't HAVE to be on a diet.  

And, I have the opportunity to put that shy girl to rest once and for all, push my comfort zone, stand on my own two feet and get out there and meet some people!!!  (How do you like that for a pep talk??? :) )

It's so easy to write this stuff down and I know that the difficult part will actually be putting on my big girl panties and making things happen (especially during the weeks that my love is gone).  I also know that Lao Tzu is right.  I can't keep resisting this change because I don't want the next couple of years to be filled with sorrow.  And let's be honest, what kind of lesson would that be for my sweet baby???        

I'm not a particularly religious person but I do think that God shows His love and comfort in many different ways.  The other morning, I got up with my husband like I do every morning to start the coffee and see him off to work.  I was feeling kind of low because I didn't know what was in store for that day.  I looked out my kitchen window, saw the sun rising, and immediately felt peace.  It was just His reminder that everything is going to be just fine... 

The view from my kitchen window...

***In more positive "Change" News: Today I am 14 weeks pregnant and finally in my Second Trimester!  Hallelujah!  Baby D seems to be doing well and is growing, as is my tummy.  :)  I am happy to report that energy is slowing returning and I have not prayed to the Porcelain gods in about 3 weeks... Reason alone to celebrate!  Morning sickness has been replaced with headaches but I'll take a headache over puking any day.  My favorite pregnancy moments have been: seeing the baby on the ultrasound (obviously), updating Joe every Friday morning on the progress our little one is making, and looking in a mirror and being astounded (every single time) about the size of my pooch.  We will find out the sex of the baby in approximately six weeks (I'm hoping to try and schedule that ultrasound a little bit sooner because I am dying to know what Baby D is!!!).  And, as hormonal as I am at times, there is no greater gift than knowing that our little bean is growing inside of me.  I am so blessed.  :) ***