Just a few thoughts...

It has been four months since Joe and I have been home and seen our families.  Four months may not seem like much to some but for me, it is definitely the longest that I have ever been away from home and I truly cannot wait to wrap my arms around the people that I love the most. 

As excited as I am that we are leaving today, my heart (like so many others) has been quite heavy the past few days.  The tragedy that occurred on Friday has left me mind blown and confused and scared.  Scared because I am bringing a child into a world like this... a world where even our schools aren't safe anymore.      

As Joe and I watched the news, I couldn't help but weep for these families and the parents of these babies whose lives were ended way too soon.  I sat, frustrated and confused, and watched the chaos on t.v. that very well could have been a scene from a Hollywood blockbuster.  And I have talked and talked and talked with my husband to try to figure out what the answer is... And I just don't know...

Is it stricter gun laws?  I think that anyone who has committed themselves to doing acts of violence will find a way to get the job done, regardless of the weapons that they can or can't get a hold of. 

Is it because "God isn't allowed in schools?"  I taught at public schools for five years and I saw God working daily among my children.  I never felt like I couldn't mention a higher power or the necessity to be kind to one another and to make sure that kindness happened inside my classroom.  And, over those few years of teaching, I met some truly remarkable, amazing, and loving kids who I feel will take care of the world that I will pass down to them.

I told Joe from the very beginning of this pregnancy that I couldn't imagine what I would do if we lost Adaline.  I honestly don't know how I would recover from that.  And this is coming from a mother who has yet to hold her child and make precious memories.  I can't imagine the loss that these parents are feeling and my heart aches for them...

Despite this tragic event, I pray that the hope that I feel is not a mirage.  Over the past few days, I have read a countless number of times, "What is this world coming to?"  I can't give up hope for our world just yet.  There are so many people that I know that are having babies or raising little ones... good, moral people who will raise their children to love and respect each other.  This gives me hope that not all is lost yet.  Every time I feel my daughter move, I am overcome with love and hope because she is our future.   

I obviously don't have a lot of answers... these are just my thoughts on something that is completely incomprehensible.  But, I know that this holiday season, I will hold onto my husband a little tighter, squeeze my godchild and give him the million kisses that he deserves, relish in the love that surrounds me from my family, and thank God for every nudge and kick that I feel from my sweet baby girl. 

I hope that you and your family have a blessed and safe happy holiday. 

Praying for peace-

Deanna