It has been four months since Joe and I have been home and seen our families. Four months may not seem like much to some but for me, it is definitely the longest that I have ever been away from home and I truly cannot wait to wrap my arms around the people that I love the most.
As excited as I am that we are leaving today, my heart (like so many others) has been quite heavy the past few days. The tragedy that occurred on Friday has left me mind blown and confused and scared. Scared because I am bringing a child into a world like this... a world where even our schools aren't safe anymore.
As Joe and I watched the news, I couldn't help but weep for these families and the parents of these babies whose lives were ended way too soon. I sat, frustrated and confused, and watched the chaos on t.v. that very well could have been a scene from a Hollywood blockbuster. And I have talked and talked and talked with my husband to try to figure out what the answer is... And I just don't know...
Is it stricter gun laws? I think that anyone who has committed themselves to doing acts of violence will find a way to get the job done, regardless of the weapons that they can or can't get a hold of.
Is it because "God isn't allowed in schools?" I taught at public schools for five years and I saw God working daily among my children. I never felt like I couldn't mention a higher power or the necessity to be kind to one another and to make sure that kindness happened inside my classroom. And, over those few years of teaching, I met some truly remarkable, amazing, and loving kids who I feel will take care of the world that I will pass down to them.
I told Joe from the very beginning of this pregnancy that I couldn't imagine what I would do if we lost Adaline. I honestly don't know how I would recover from that. And this is coming from a mother who has yet to hold her child and make precious memories. I can't imagine the loss that these parents are feeling and my heart aches for them...
Despite this tragic event, I pray that the hope that I feel is not a mirage. Over the past few days, I have read a countless number of times, "What is this world coming to?" I can't give up hope for our world just yet. There are so many people that I know that are having babies or raising little ones... good, moral people who will raise their children to love and respect each other. This gives me hope that not all is lost yet. Every time I feel my daughter move, I am overcome with love and hope because she is our future.
I obviously don't have a lot of answers... these are just my thoughts on something that is completely incomprehensible. But, I know that this holiday season, I will hold onto my husband a little tighter, squeeze my godchild and give him the million kisses that he deserves, relish in the love that surrounds me from my family, and thank God for every nudge and kick that I feel from my sweet baby girl.
I hope that you and your family have a blessed and safe happy holiday.
Praying for peace-
Deanna
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Our Sweet Adaline Grace
Years ago, Joe woke up one morning and shared with me a dream that he had during the night.
He told me that somehow, we had gotten stranded on an island, just the two of us, and were there for years and years and years. We made a nice little shelter (in my mind, I imagine it to be quite like the one in Swiss Family Robinson) and we lived off of the land and were extremely happy and content. We eventually had two little girls, the oldest whom we named Laila, and as hard as he tried, he could not remember the name of the second. There was a giant on the island (because no island, or dream for that matter, is complete without a giant) who became our friend and our "Nanny" and helped to take care of our little girls.
Apparently, we grew quite accustomed to living alone on the island and loved our little lives. We did eventually get rescued and I think that in the dream, I had grown a little too used to living "Cave-Man Style". He told me that at the end of the dream, we were at his grandmother's house and he looked over and noticed that I was on the ground, wearing nothing but my skimpies, cleaning up a mess that had been made. He chuckled to himself and realized that he was going to have to remind me of how things were done back in the good ole USA, where just wearing your panties was not deemed appropriate.
Needless to say, it took me years to convince Joe that we were not naming our first daughter Laila. Besides his name choice, I absolutely fell in love with his dream and thought life would be so amazing if we would actually get stranded on an island and have those little girls...
Who knew that part of this dream could become reality???
Yesterday, Joe and I went in for our big Mac-Daddy ultrasound... the one that takes forever because they look at every little bit of baby to make sure that all is well. And, of course, it is the one where we would find out if we were having a boy or girl.
From the beginning of this pregnancy, Joe and I both had a feeling that Baby D was a girl. From his crazy dreams to my nauseating first trimester, we could not shake the feeling that Baby D was a she. This was something that made me slightly worried because what if we were wrong??? Would we have to tell our son, "Sorry, son, for the first half of the pregnancy, we were pretty sure you were a girl!"??? (I know I'm a nut... but these are the things that I worry about!)
Luckily, our hunch was right. Maybe ten minutes into the ultrasound, it was very obvious and clear as day that this baby was a girl. No question about it.
There have been moments during this pregnancy that seem to get me one step closer to this Holy Grail of Motherhood that I have wanted for such a long time: Positive Pregnancy test, seeing our little bean for the first time, feeling sick over and over again and then the pure relief when that sickness goes away, feeling the first little movements of baby, and now... knowing our baby is a girl and giving her the beginning of her identity, her name, a task that we did not take lightly.
This path has not been easy (and I know that it is just the beginning) but what an incredible and life changing event!!! My life has been full of blessings but this one, by far, has been the greatest. I don't think that I could be any luckier.
Besides finding out that little Addie is a she, we also learned that she is super healthy, developing properly, and is as active as her father (Lord, send me some patience!!!). The entire ultrasound, she was hopping around from one end of the uterus to the other, flipping and dancing, and I'm pretty sure I saw a fist pump in there somewhere! I have a feeling that all of her movement may have had to do with me recovering from a pretty bad stomach virus and the fact that yesterday was the first day that I was actually able to eat in several days. But, it also confirms all of the movement that I have been feeling and questioning if it was her or not. Yup. She's definitely moving in there!
We also got a new due date (this will be our third one!). The new date is April 23rd, which is only a few days before the one that we were going by BUT makes me at 20 weeks today... Halfway there!!! Joe thinks I'm a nut for being so worried about just a few days and making sure that we are tracking everything just right. But, I am a planner. I like my calendar. I like knowing which day starts our new week. And for Heaven's sakes, at the end of this pregnancy, those few days will make such a difference when I go in at 40 weeks and tell Doc that he needs to get our baby out now... Mommy is done! Nothing wrong with a little bit of planning!
So, as you can see, all is well on our little island in the desert. Mommy is happy. Addie is happy. Daddy is happy (and I'm sure a little nervous about now having two girls to worry about!). And we only have 20 weeks left until we meet our precious little pink bundle!
Now, onto the next order of business... Anyone know of a giant looking for a Part-time Nanny job??? ;)
He told me that somehow, we had gotten stranded on an island, just the two of us, and were there for years and years and years. We made a nice little shelter (in my mind, I imagine it to be quite like the one in Swiss Family Robinson) and we lived off of the land and were extremely happy and content. We eventually had two little girls, the oldest whom we named Laila, and as hard as he tried, he could not remember the name of the second. There was a giant on the island (because no island, or dream for that matter, is complete without a giant) who became our friend and our "Nanny" and helped to take care of our little girls.
Apparently, we grew quite accustomed to living alone on the island and loved our little lives. We did eventually get rescued and I think that in the dream, I had grown a little too used to living "Cave-Man Style". He told me that at the end of the dream, we were at his grandmother's house and he looked over and noticed that I was on the ground, wearing nothing but my skimpies, cleaning up a mess that had been made. He chuckled to himself and realized that he was going to have to remind me of how things were done back in the good ole USA, where just wearing your panties was not deemed appropriate.
Needless to say, it took me years to convince Joe that we were not naming our first daughter Laila. Besides his name choice, I absolutely fell in love with his dream and thought life would be so amazing if we would actually get stranded on an island and have those little girls...
Who knew that part of this dream could become reality???
Yesterday, Joe and I went in for our big Mac-Daddy ultrasound... the one that takes forever because they look at every little bit of baby to make sure that all is well. And, of course, it is the one where we would find out if we were having a boy or girl.
From the beginning of this pregnancy, Joe and I both had a feeling that Baby D was a girl. From his crazy dreams to my nauseating first trimester, we could not shake the feeling that Baby D was a she. This was something that made me slightly worried because what if we were wrong??? Would we have to tell our son, "Sorry, son, for the first half of the pregnancy, we were pretty sure you were a girl!"??? (I know I'm a nut... but these are the things that I worry about!)
Luckily, our hunch was right. Maybe ten minutes into the ultrasound, it was very obvious and clear as day that this baby was a girl. No question about it.
There have been moments during this pregnancy that seem to get me one step closer to this Holy Grail of Motherhood that I have wanted for such a long time: Positive Pregnancy test, seeing our little bean for the first time, feeling sick over and over again and then the pure relief when that sickness goes away, feeling the first little movements of baby, and now... knowing our baby is a girl and giving her the beginning of her identity, her name, a task that we did not take lightly.
This path has not been easy (and I know that it is just the beginning) but what an incredible and life changing event!!! My life has been full of blessings but this one, by far, has been the greatest. I don't think that I could be any luckier.
Besides finding out that little Addie is a she, we also learned that she is super healthy, developing properly, and is as active as her father (Lord, send me some patience!!!). The entire ultrasound, she was hopping around from one end of the uterus to the other, flipping and dancing, and I'm pretty sure I saw a fist pump in there somewhere! I have a feeling that all of her movement may have had to do with me recovering from a pretty bad stomach virus and the fact that yesterday was the first day that I was actually able to eat in several days. But, it also confirms all of the movement that I have been feeling and questioning if it was her or not. Yup. She's definitely moving in there!
We also got a new due date (this will be our third one!). The new date is April 23rd, which is only a few days before the one that we were going by BUT makes me at 20 weeks today... Halfway there!!! Joe thinks I'm a nut for being so worried about just a few days and making sure that we are tracking everything just right. But, I am a planner. I like my calendar. I like knowing which day starts our new week. And for Heaven's sakes, at the end of this pregnancy, those few days will make such a difference when I go in at 40 weeks and tell Doc that he needs to get our baby out now... Mommy is done! Nothing wrong with a little bit of planning!
So, as you can see, all is well on our little island in the desert. Mommy is happy. Addie is happy. Daddy is happy (and I'm sure a little nervous about now having two girls to worry about!). And we only have 20 weeks left until we meet our precious little pink bundle!
Now, onto the next order of business... Anyone know of a giant looking for a Part-time Nanny job??? ;)
I can't believe how much she has grown! My sweet baby girl! :)
I would have loved to do a gender reveal party with our families if we were home. Luckily, I have been blessed to meet an amazing photographer (who is actually the wife of Joe's old Commander) who offered to do a photo reveal for us. I can't express how grateful I am for this because it made yesterday that much more special. Thank you again, Melinda! These pictures are beautiful and we love them!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Day 19: My momma
I feel like the closer that I get to Motherhood, the more that I understand and appreciate my own mother.
Growing up, my momma stayed at home and raised both my sister and I. And that has been her job my whole life, being a mother. I don't think that we always made her job very easy; between the emotions and hormones and those horrible High School years, there have been a few disagreements and arguments over the years (to say the least). But, my mother's love has never failed. Somehow, my mom, sister, and I have managed to come out on the other side, into adulthood, and have more love and respect for one another than ever before.
Over the past six months, it has been an absolute delight to see my mom gracefully ease into the role of being a grandmother. Since my sister has gone back to work, my mom has been helping in taking care of little Ira. All of the wonderful "mom qualities" that we took for granted while growing up has made both my sister and I even more appreciative and proud. I honestly don't know if there is a better person to watch our children. Besides making sure that Ira is super safe, she constantly talks about how he is growing and how much she loves him and beams with pride at every little thing that he does. I know that my mom was always proud of us but her pride and love for her grandchildren (including the one not even born) is probably more than we could have ever asked for.
There are moments when I get extremely nervous about this Road to Motherhood that I am on. I really have no idea what I am getting myself into, and like I told Joe the other night, the thought of those Junior High and High School years scares the crap out of me. But, I know that if I love and take care of my child anywhere near as much and as well as my mom did, we will be okay.
Thank you, Mom, for all of your love and support. I would not be the woman that I am today without your support and guidance. I am truly grateful for you.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Day 14- Our house that is becoming a home
I promise that I have been doing my "gratitudes" daily but life has *happily* taken a turn for the busier since Hubs is finally out of the field and there hasn't been a whole lot of time to blog every day.
I have been dying to write this post but wanted to wait until things were just right. When we first moved into our new little two bedroom townhouse, I was beyond nervous. At first, that nervousness stemmed from the fact that I didn't know where we were going to put everything (I still don't know where to put everything; there is a whole bunch of stuff being stored in our garage). But, when the day finally came for us to sign the paperwork on our lease, that nervousness grew because I had no idea how I was going to turn THIS house into a home. The house is not horrible but there are quite a few features in it that are dated and I'm not going to lie, I may have shed a few tears in the bathroom on that first day.
One thing that I have learned over the years is that with a little bit of elbow grease, pretty much any house can become a home. I learned this one from my sister who moved out at 18 and even being the poor college student that she was, managed to scrounge up some change, bought a can of paint, and made improvements to her little home.
So, this has been my project over the past few weeks. Painting and hanging pictures and doing my best to make this place our little safe haven in a town that still feels foreign. There is still plenty that I need to work on but it is slowly coming together and we are beginning to love our quaint little home.
So, this has been my project over the past few weeks. Painting and hanging pictures and doing my best to make this place our little safe haven in a town that still feels foreign. There is still plenty that I need to work on but it is slowly coming together and we are beginning to love our quaint little home.
Living room: First day
Living room: Still plain but with a bit of life to it
I absolutely love the way that this color came out. AND it's called, Cajun Red! What's not to love?!?!
Living room currently. I still want something to hang over the sofa (the mirror that I had in mind is falling apart :( ) and I still want to get curtains. So, yes, a work in progress but I am loving the changes already.
Dining Room: First day
Dining Room: Pre-paint
Dining room with a splash of Cajun Red :) I think that this has become one of my favorite spots in the house. I love the way that it came out.
Oh man... Our bedroom... with awkwardly placed windows, dated closet doors... the whole thing kind of made me sad...
Our sad little room. Neither Joe nor I have ever had a matching bedroom set, so our bedroom has been made up of mix and match pieces over the past year.
As much as I love my warm colors, for the bedroom I wanted something a bit more peaceful and calming. I went with a grey (I can't remember the name, it's obviously not as cool as Cajun Red) and I have truly loved it!
I don't know if it's because I am pregnant and my husband is feeling more love for me, but SOMEHOW I convinced him that it was time for us to get a grown-up bedroom set. It took us a while to figure out how to get it situated in our awkwardly shaped room but we managed. I am absolutely in love with our room now. It has made SUCH a difference! There are still a couple of things that I would like to add to the room but for now, it is perfect. :)
Our little home! It's nothing major but it certainly is feeling more like a place where we will be happy for the next couple of years... and for that, I am grateful!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Day 7: Another Day
With each day, we are given a new opportunity. Each morning brings a clean slate, another chance to laugh, another chance to love, and another chance to embrace fleeting moments.
Today, that is what I am thankful for.
My life is far from perfect and yesterday was one of those pretty imperfect days. But, this morning I made a choice. I chose to let the grayness from yesterday slip away and decided to bask in the sunshine of today.
This decision was not entirely easy. Nothing has changed since yesterday. My hubby is still gone and working in the field. All of my family and friends are still clear across the country. And, I'm still me... emotional and pregnant and dealing with the same things that I deal with daily.
But, instead of dwelling on that, I decided to put a smile in my heart and on my face, got dressed up, put on heels (something totally incredible because this has not happened in approximately four months), drove an hour and a half, jamming to Michael Jackson all the way (don't judge!), and treated myself to two hours of nerd, craft Heaven at the nearest Hobby Lobby. Nothing major but it made today a pretty good day.
I know that life is fragile and I don't take these days that I am given for granted. But isn't it reassuring to know that when a bad day does arrive, all you gotta do is put your big girl panties on, survive that shitty day, and then hope that you can try again tomorrow???
For me, it is. And I'm thankful for that.
Today, that is what I am thankful for.
My life is far from perfect and yesterday was one of those pretty imperfect days. But, this morning I made a choice. I chose to let the grayness from yesterday slip away and decided to bask in the sunshine of today.
This decision was not entirely easy. Nothing has changed since yesterday. My hubby is still gone and working in the field. All of my family and friends are still clear across the country. And, I'm still me... emotional and pregnant and dealing with the same things that I deal with daily.
But, instead of dwelling on that, I decided to put a smile in my heart and on my face, got dressed up, put on heels (something totally incredible because this has not happened in approximately four months), drove an hour and a half, jamming to Michael Jackson all the way (don't judge!), and treated myself to two hours of nerd, craft Heaven at the nearest Hobby Lobby. Nothing major but it made today a pretty good day.
I know that life is fragile and I don't take these days that I am given for granted. But isn't it reassuring to know that when a bad day does arrive, all you gotta do is put your big girl panties on, survive that shitty day, and then hope that you can try again tomorrow???
For me, it is. And I'm thankful for that.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Day 6: The Dobs
Today, I am... having a really hard day.
I was pleasantly surprised last night with a short visit from my Hubs but found it especially hard this morning when he had to leave again. I am really having a difficult time getting adjusted and even though most days are okay, some days are incredibly lonely.
That is why, today, I feel especially grateful for Dobby. Our little four legged friend has become much more than a pet but a true member of our family. He always knows when momma needs extra love, is on constant guard when Dad is away, and keeps me laughing when I feel like crying. I think he knows how much we love him and are grateful for him... He does have a pretty fabulous life! :)
I was pleasantly surprised last night with a short visit from my Hubs but found it especially hard this morning when he had to leave again. I am really having a difficult time getting adjusted and even though most days are okay, some days are incredibly lonely.
That is why, today, I feel especially grateful for Dobby. Our little four legged friend has become much more than a pet but a true member of our family. He always knows when momma needs extra love, is on constant guard when Dad is away, and keeps me laughing when I feel like crying. I think he knows how much we love him and are grateful for him... He does have a pretty fabulous life! :)
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Days 3 and 4: Two ladies and some babies :)
I sat down to write last night and my poor, preggo brain could not spit anything out. So, this morning I am playing catch up and am grateful for two pretty amazing women in my life: my sweet sister and my bestie. These two women could not be more different but despite their differences they bring joy and balance to my crazy world.
I feel incredibly blessed that God gave me a little sister soooooo many years ago (notice all of the oooo's??? We are getting old! ;). I think that the bond between sisters is one unlike any other. The relationship of a sister is a combination of love, friendship, loyalty, and the inexplicable fact that no one knows you as much as this girl does.
We don't always agree but we somehow manage to listen to what the other has to say and usually walk away learning something new. She has been right by side through nearly 25 years of my life and I don't know what I'd do without her. And, to top it all off, she has given me the sweetest little gift ever, my precious godchild. I was there the day that he was born and even though I am now seeing him grow up in pictures and through Skype, I feel as much love for that kiddo as I do for the little bean growing inside of me. It's a wonderful feeling.
Now, onto my second lady today, my sweet bestie, J. We've been friends for nearly five years and she has taught me the true meaning of friendship. She has stood by my side through some of the best times in my life, as well as the worst. We have watched countless episodes of SATC and Gossip Girl, shared bottles and bottles... and bottles... of wine, and have laughed and cried together (sometimes doing both at the same time). She introduced me to the man that is my husband and I thank the Lord for that each and every day. And, to top it all off, we are also pregnant together, something that we both prayed for, were both unsure would happen, and celebrated with a cupcake when we found out! I am truly grateful that she is in my life.
I love these two women very much. When I moved, I couldn't help but worry that with both of them in the deep South and me all the way in Cali Land, our bonds would be strained. They have both gotten me through some of the hardest moments of this move with texts and hour-long phone conversations. I feel like I have not missed a single moment of their lives, nor they with mine. Thank you, my girls. I love you both dearly.
I feel incredibly blessed that God gave me a little sister soooooo many years ago (notice all of the oooo's??? We are getting old! ;). I think that the bond between sisters is one unlike any other. The relationship of a sister is a combination of love, friendship, loyalty, and the inexplicable fact that no one knows you as much as this girl does.
We don't always agree but we somehow manage to listen to what the other has to say and usually walk away learning something new. She has been right by side through nearly 25 years of my life and I don't know what I'd do without her. And, to top it all off, she has given me the sweetest little gift ever, my precious godchild. I was there the day that he was born and even though I am now seeing him grow up in pictures and through Skype, I feel as much love for that kiddo as I do for the little bean growing inside of me. It's a wonderful feeling.
Now, onto my second lady today, my sweet bestie, J. We've been friends for nearly five years and she has taught me the true meaning of friendship. She has stood by my side through some of the best times in my life, as well as the worst. We have watched countless episodes of SATC and Gossip Girl, shared bottles and bottles... and bottles... of wine, and have laughed and cried together (sometimes doing both at the same time). She introduced me to the man that is my husband and I thank the Lord for that each and every day. And, to top it all off, we are also pregnant together, something that we both prayed for, were both unsure would happen, and celebrated with a cupcake when we found out! I am truly grateful that she is in my life.
I love these two women very much. When I moved, I couldn't help but worry that with both of them in the deep South and me all the way in Cali Land, our bonds would be strained. They have both gotten me through some of the hardest moments of this move with texts and hour-long phone conversations. I feel like I have not missed a single moment of their lives, nor they with mine. Thank you, my girls. I love you both dearly.
My sweet seestur. Best friends from the beginning.
Now, seriously, is that not the cutest baby you've ever seen?!?!? Love him so freakin much!!!
The two besties: Pre-Preggo... Champagne in red Solo cups??? Yup! That's how we roll!
Preggo besties! Can't wait for our babies so that they can be besties too! :)
Friday, November 2, 2012
Day 2: Baby D
Today, we have finally reached Week 15 of this pregnancy and I am beyond the moon and over the stars grateful for the sweet little baby that is growing inside of me and for the fact that we have made it this far.
I don't think that I could ever take for granted this sweet miracle that has happened to us. For years, I questioned if becoming a mommy was ever going to happen naturally for me. Even with this question in my mind, Joe still married me knowing that it could be a problem for us (Reason #5,389 on why I adore my husband). It blows my mind that just a few short months ago, I was praying and praying that God would let it happen, getting frustrated every month that it didn't... and now, here we are. I know that many women are in the exact same boat: waiting for that stupid stork to arrive, waiting for their little miracle, and waiting for that one, happy, and joyful day when the hundredth pregnancy test finally comes out positive... and to these women, I promise, I have not taken a moment of this for granted.
I have not taken it for granted but this doesn't mean that it has been entirely easy. I am so grateful for Week 15 (and this glorious time period that is known as the Second Trimester) because I finally feel like I am beginning to enjoy this pregnancy. I'm sorry but when you are puking your guts at any given moment, walking around like a zombie because of exhaustion, having your face resort back to those lovely Junior High years when you could play connect the dots with your zits, and you (and your husband, because he is along for this ride whether he likes it or not) are dealing with the roller coaster ride that would be your emotions... well, there's not a whole lot to enjoy.
I finally feel like things have calmed down. I haven't been sick in about a month, my energy has returned and I've been able to enjoy daily power walks, my face has cleared up, and low and behold, my sweet emotions are seeming to level out (there have been a few meltdowns, I'm still pregnant, but things seem to be getting easier). Also, I am loving my growing belly, something I never thought would cross my mind, because it means that my sweet baby is growing. Things have definitely gotten a lot smoother!
When looking for a quote to end today's post, I found the following from Peter Pan and absolutely adored the image that it created in my mind and had to share. Today, I feel incredibly grateful for our sweet baby and await the many blessings that are yet to come. Happy Friday :)
I don't think that I could ever take for granted this sweet miracle that has happened to us. For years, I questioned if becoming a mommy was ever going to happen naturally for me. Even with this question in my mind, Joe still married me knowing that it could be a problem for us (Reason #5,389 on why I adore my husband). It blows my mind that just a few short months ago, I was praying and praying that God would let it happen, getting frustrated every month that it didn't... and now, here we are. I know that many women are in the exact same boat: waiting for that stupid stork to arrive, waiting for their little miracle, and waiting for that one, happy, and joyful day when the hundredth pregnancy test finally comes out positive... and to these women, I promise, I have not taken a moment of this for granted.
I have not taken it for granted but this doesn't mean that it has been entirely easy. I am so grateful for Week 15 (and this glorious time period that is known as the Second Trimester) because I finally feel like I am beginning to enjoy this pregnancy. I'm sorry but when you are puking your guts at any given moment, walking around like a zombie because of exhaustion, having your face resort back to those lovely Junior High years when you could play connect the dots with your zits, and you (and your husband, because he is along for this ride whether he likes it or not) are dealing with the roller coaster ride that would be your emotions... well, there's not a whole lot to enjoy.
I finally feel like things have calmed down. I haven't been sick in about a month, my energy has returned and I've been able to enjoy daily power walks, my face has cleared up, and low and behold, my sweet emotions are seeming to level out (there have been a few meltdowns, I'm still pregnant, but things seem to be getting easier). Also, I am loving my growing belly, something I never thought would cross my mind, because it means that my sweet baby is growing. Things have definitely gotten a lot smoother!
When looking for a quote to end today's post, I found the following from Peter Pan and absolutely adored the image that it created in my mind and had to share. Today, I feel incredibly grateful for our sweet baby and await the many blessings that are yet to come. Happy Friday :)
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.” ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
15 week bump pic... done a couple of days early because I wanted a Halloween shot! Also, I had to resort to the ole self-pic-mirror-trick because Hubs is still in the field but at least it gets the job done! :)
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Challenge: A Month of Thanks... Day 1
This morning while perusing through FB (a horrible habit that has gone into overdrive since we moved to Cali and I have lots more time on my hands), I saw that one of my very good friends, Ms. L. C., was taking this month to give thanks each and every day. I couldn't help but stop, take notice, and think, Heck yeah... I'm jumping on that band wagon!
I'm naturally a negative person. When asked if the wine glass is half full or half empty, my response would be, "Half empty! Now pour me some more wine, dammit!"
This is not one of my better traits.
It is, however, something that I have honestly been working on for the majority of my adult life. Luckily, I married an eternal optimist who always thinks that the glass is half full and is usually kind enough to point out to me that at least there is half of a glass of wine to drink.
My pessimism, along with my FB addiction, have both been factors that I've been struggling with during this move. When feeling kind of low, it's super easy to just plop onto the couch and think, "Geez! Everything sucks!" And even though every day seems to be getting a little bit easier and life is slowly getting brighter again, this is the perfect time for me to accept a new Challenge (and, Dear Reader, I offer this challenge to you, as well).
Every day for the next month, I will find at least one thing to be thankful for. This is not an original idea but it is one that will hopefully, on even the crappiest of days, help to shine a little bit of light.
I will share mine here, obviously, but I challenge you to write yours down as well. Even if you aren't a blogger or a FB addict, like myself, write your gratitude down in your journal, on the notepad that you keep on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, anywhere that you like...but make sure to write it somewhere for you to see and be reminded of all of the great and wonderful things in your life.
So, for today's thanks...
Like I have mentioned in earlier posts, my life has quieted down quite a bit since we've been here and there have been some very lonely moments. When Joe started this new work rotation, we had no idea what to expect. All that we knew was that he would be out in the field for a little over two weeks and he had absolutely no idea if he'd be able to come home at all during that period.
Now, look, I know that two weeks is absolutely nothing. I have a friend in Killeen whose husband is also in the army and is doing out of state training for months. Joe and I have also had the lovely experiences of him deploying for months and months... and months. So two weeks is NOTHING. But, man-oh-man, being in a place that is still new and foreign and not knowing a soul... it sounded like forever to me.
We have gone through nearly a week of him being on this rotation and much to our pleasant surprise, he has already been able to come home twice.
I am so grateful that he has been able to come home but today, I am especially thankful for unexpected, sweet and wonderful surprises that Life delivers us when we need them the most. I think that these little surprises are exactly what we need to get through the rough patches. His surprise visits home have been exactly what I needed to keep my soul lifted this week and I feel so grateful for it!
I'm naturally a negative person. When asked if the wine glass is half full or half empty, my response would be, "Half empty! Now pour me some more wine, dammit!"
This is not one of my better traits.
It is, however, something that I have honestly been working on for the majority of my adult life. Luckily, I married an eternal optimist who always thinks that the glass is half full and is usually kind enough to point out to me that at least there is half of a glass of wine to drink.
My pessimism, along with my FB addiction, have both been factors that I've been struggling with during this move. When feeling kind of low, it's super easy to just plop onto the couch and think, "Geez! Everything sucks!" And even though every day seems to be getting a little bit easier and life is slowly getting brighter again, this is the perfect time for me to accept a new Challenge (and, Dear Reader, I offer this challenge to you, as well).
Every day for the next month, I will find at least one thing to be thankful for. This is not an original idea but it is one that will hopefully, on even the crappiest of days, help to shine a little bit of light.
I will share mine here, obviously, but I challenge you to write yours down as well. Even if you aren't a blogger or a FB addict, like myself, write your gratitude down in your journal, on the notepad that you keep on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, anywhere that you like...but make sure to write it somewhere for you to see and be reminded of all of the great and wonderful things in your life.
So, for today's thanks...
Like I have mentioned in earlier posts, my life has quieted down quite a bit since we've been here and there have been some very lonely moments. When Joe started this new work rotation, we had no idea what to expect. All that we knew was that he would be out in the field for a little over two weeks and he had absolutely no idea if he'd be able to come home at all during that period.
Now, look, I know that two weeks is absolutely nothing. I have a friend in Killeen whose husband is also in the army and is doing out of state training for months. Joe and I have also had the lovely experiences of him deploying for months and months... and months. So two weeks is NOTHING. But, man-oh-man, being in a place that is still new and foreign and not knowing a soul... it sounded like forever to me.
We have gone through nearly a week of him being on this rotation and much to our pleasant surprise, he has already been able to come home twice.
I am so grateful that he has been able to come home but today, I am especially thankful for unexpected, sweet and wonderful surprises that Life delivers us when we need them the most. I think that these little surprises are exactly what we need to get through the rough patches. His surprise visits home have been exactly what I needed to keep my soul lifted this week and I feel so grateful for it!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A Not-So-Perfect Love Story
When Joe and I first met, I was still in the process of recovering from a very unhappy and failed marriage. I had moved to Texas to start over, chase some of my long-awaited dreams, and absolutely refused the thought of ever getting married again. I wanted to believe that one day, I'd find another love but I could not imagine making the commitment "For better and for worse" again without the fear of it all crumbling to bits.
And then, in walked Joe. Handsome. Full of confidence. Funny. Charismatic. And so sure that HE would be the one to make me believe in love again. The boy knocked me down on my cynical ass... and I fell in crazy, stupid love with him.
I had never experienced anything like it. Was it true that I had finally found a man who could love me unconditionally, support me in the endeavors that I wanted to pursue, and would want to live life to the fullest right besides me??? The year that we spent together was a whirlwind of good times and laughter and head-over-heels love. He asked me to marry him and even with my hesitation towards marriage, I said yes... and then he left for Iraq.
This is the part of the story that is the hardest for me to share... not because of how terribly sad it is when I look back on it but because embarrassingly, it shows how weak I was and how I made the biggest mistake of my life... and truly, it was the biggest mistake.
While he was gone, Fear and Doubt crept in and I began to question if everything that we had was real. I started to feel overwhelmed with all of the changes that were about to begin. We had set a date to get married and then Joe was scheduled to get stationed in Hawaii and there was a possibility of him deploying back to Iraq just a few short months after. Getting stationed in Hawaii sounds like a dream but giving up the job that I loved, having to start all over career wise, and getting left in a brand new place started to scare the living daylights out of me.
I look back at how stupid I was and wish that I could have told myself to calm down... everything was going to be just fine. Instead, I cowardly walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to me and ended it all with Joe.
I felt okay about my decision for maybe three days... and then the reality of what I had done began to sink in and immediately, Regret came and took over the spaces where Fear and Doubt had originally stood. And thus began the hardest year of my life.
I tried and tried to move on. I threw myself into work, signed up for half-marathons and ran and ran and ran, went to concerts, went on horrible dates, made plans to move abroad and start over, yet again... and nothing worked. Every single day I thought about Joe. Every single day I missed him. Every single day I looked at my phone and prayed for a call or a text saying that he had forgiven me and wanted to try again. And every single day I tried to forget about a love that I had once had, find consolation in the fact that I had finally known one that was real and true, and be okay with the idea that I'd probably never find it again.
Like I said, the hardest year of my life.
We had split up in October and the following September, I was still heartbroken and crying to my sister and my two best friends about how I had screwed everything up and didn't know how to move on. I'm pretty sure they were all tired of hearing me cry about it and all agreed that I needed to give him a call or write him an email and say that I had made a mistake. From what I had heard, he was in another relationship and I refused to be "that" girl, so I said no and resolved that this was simply something that I must live with.
About a month later, I was finishing up my work day and packing up to head home. Just as I was getting ready to shut off my computer, an email popped up in my Inbox and I quite literally gasped when I saw that it was from Joe. It was a short email asking how I was doing and saying that he still had Harry Potter books of mine that he needed to return and wanted to know how he should get them back to me. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and work phone, sent a text to my sister and called my best friend and told them both what I had just received. I didn't know what to think and felt a swarm of emotions: nervous, excited, scared... and all that I could do was hope that God was finally giving me the second chance that I had been praying for.
Exactly two years ago today, Joe and I met up for coffee to exchange some Harry Potter books... and somehow managed to start all over again. I would be lying if I said that we picked up exactly where we had left off or that it was the easiest thing ever. There were a lot of scars that needed healing and to say that a large portion of his family was less than thrilled about us reuniting would be an understatement... something that I can hardly blame them for. But, somehow, we managed to work through it and the one thing that is not a lie is that from that day forward, I put all of my trust in him, our love, my heart and there were no more questions or hesitations... and two years later, I find myself married, crazy in love with my husband who just so happens to be my best friend, and with our little baby bean on the way. It blows my mind...
This post is not the easiest one to share because telling of my biggest failure is embarrassing and quite humbling but I think that remembering our failures and looking at them for the lessons that they provide is the only way to grow. For me, I learned how fragile love can be and to never, ever, ever take it for granted. As much as I want to delete that year that we were apart, I know that because of it, we are more honest with one another, appreciative of each other, and have learned how to fight to keep our relationship strong and growing. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But I don't ever want to experience another day where I am not his and he is not mine.
I could spend the rest of the day trying to express this great and amazing, not-so-perfect love... but I'm not that good of a writer and I doubt that you would care to hear my ramblings (you've already heard enough for the day ;). So, instead, I will close today's post with a quote from Bob Marley because he has already put into words the way that I feel about my love...
And then, in walked Joe. Handsome. Full of confidence. Funny. Charismatic. And so sure that HE would be the one to make me believe in love again. The boy knocked me down on my cynical ass... and I fell in crazy, stupid love with him.
I had never experienced anything like it. Was it true that I had finally found a man who could love me unconditionally, support me in the endeavors that I wanted to pursue, and would want to live life to the fullest right besides me??? The year that we spent together was a whirlwind of good times and laughter and head-over-heels love. He asked me to marry him and even with my hesitation towards marriage, I said yes... and then he left for Iraq.
This is the part of the story that is the hardest for me to share... not because of how terribly sad it is when I look back on it but because embarrassingly, it shows how weak I was and how I made the biggest mistake of my life... and truly, it was the biggest mistake.
While he was gone, Fear and Doubt crept in and I began to question if everything that we had was real. I started to feel overwhelmed with all of the changes that were about to begin. We had set a date to get married and then Joe was scheduled to get stationed in Hawaii and there was a possibility of him deploying back to Iraq just a few short months after. Getting stationed in Hawaii sounds like a dream but giving up the job that I loved, having to start all over career wise, and getting left in a brand new place started to scare the living daylights out of me.
I look back at how stupid I was and wish that I could have told myself to calm down... everything was going to be just fine. Instead, I cowardly walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to me and ended it all with Joe.
I felt okay about my decision for maybe three days... and then the reality of what I had done began to sink in and immediately, Regret came and took over the spaces where Fear and Doubt had originally stood. And thus began the hardest year of my life.
I tried and tried to move on. I threw myself into work, signed up for half-marathons and ran and ran and ran, went to concerts, went on horrible dates, made plans to move abroad and start over, yet again... and nothing worked. Every single day I thought about Joe. Every single day I missed him. Every single day I looked at my phone and prayed for a call or a text saying that he had forgiven me and wanted to try again. And every single day I tried to forget about a love that I had once had, find consolation in the fact that I had finally known one that was real and true, and be okay with the idea that I'd probably never find it again.
Like I said, the hardest year of my life.
We had split up in October and the following September, I was still heartbroken and crying to my sister and my two best friends about how I had screwed everything up and didn't know how to move on. I'm pretty sure they were all tired of hearing me cry about it and all agreed that I needed to give him a call or write him an email and say that I had made a mistake. From what I had heard, he was in another relationship and I refused to be "that" girl, so I said no and resolved that this was simply something that I must live with.
About a month later, I was finishing up my work day and packing up to head home. Just as I was getting ready to shut off my computer, an email popped up in my Inbox and I quite literally gasped when I saw that it was from Joe. It was a short email asking how I was doing and saying that he still had Harry Potter books of mine that he needed to return and wanted to know how he should get them back to me. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and work phone, sent a text to my sister and called my best friend and told them both what I had just received. I didn't know what to think and felt a swarm of emotions: nervous, excited, scared... and all that I could do was hope that God was finally giving me the second chance that I had been praying for.
Exactly two years ago today, Joe and I met up for coffee to exchange some Harry Potter books... and somehow managed to start all over again. I would be lying if I said that we picked up exactly where we had left off or that it was the easiest thing ever. There were a lot of scars that needed healing and to say that a large portion of his family was less than thrilled about us reuniting would be an understatement... something that I can hardly blame them for. But, somehow, we managed to work through it and the one thing that is not a lie is that from that day forward, I put all of my trust in him, our love, my heart and there were no more questions or hesitations... and two years later, I find myself married, crazy in love with my husband who just so happens to be my best friend, and with our little baby bean on the way. It blows my mind...
This post is not the easiest one to share because telling of my biggest failure is embarrassing and quite humbling but I think that remembering our failures and looking at them for the lessons that they provide is the only way to grow. For me, I learned how fragile love can be and to never, ever, ever take it for granted. As much as I want to delete that year that we were apart, I know that because of it, we are more honest with one another, appreciative of each other, and have learned how to fight to keep our relationship strong and growing. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But I don't ever want to experience another day where I am not his and he is not mine.
I could spend the rest of the day trying to express this great and amazing, not-so-perfect love... but I'm not that good of a writer and I doubt that you would care to hear my ramblings (you've already heard enough for the day ;). So, instead, I will close today's post with a quote from Bob Marley because he has already put into words the way that I feel about my love...
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
- Bob Marley
(One of our first pictures back together... All smiles :)
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Winds of Change
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
- Lao Tzu
Change in life is inevitable. Despite this, I am always surprised when Life swoops in, hands me a basket full of changes at once, and leaves me a bit shell shocked and confused about which direction I should go.
I feel like this is one of those times.
I knew that the move to California would be an adjustment but I don't think that I mentally prepared myself for the huge change that it is actually turning out to be. Before we got here, all I could think about were the trips that we would take in between Joe's work schedule, the cool places that we would take our baby, and all of the time that I'd have to try recipes and projects from Pinterest. I guess I did this to keep from getting too scared about moving clear across the country. My mantra was, "Focus on the good. Everything else will work itself out."
Since we moved into our new home, it's been a little bit harder than that. This is not my first move to another city or state and I have learned that there is a very difficult period of adjustment that immediately follows. There's learning your way around the new town. Discovering new stores and the ability to find the items that you need in these new stores. Finding new places to eat or hang out. And for me, the absolute hardest part, getting through that period of time where you don't know a single person (besides your significant other) and then eventually making friends.
Finding a store is easy but meeting new people, especially with this move, has been incredibly hard for me. For most of my adolescent years, I was that painfully shy girl, sitting alone with her nose stuck in a book. I became more outgoing in High School and College and blossomed into the woman that I am today. But, when I am in a new situation and feel uncomfortable, that old, shy girl creeps in, takes control of my body, forms a lump in my throat, and I feel an overwhelming need to hide under a blanket.
This is not one of my best traits.
The changes with this move have not helped that shy, little girl. Normally, I would push her aside and meet people at a new job. But, with the baby on the way and the closest English teaching position two hours away, Hubs and I decided that now would be the perfect time for me to stay at home, prepare for our little one, and then take care of our sweet baby when he or she arrives.
The other option would be to meet people through Joe's new coworkers. This would be fine except for the fact that we are now on a rotation where he leaves for two weeks, comes home for a few days, and then the cycle continues.
For a shy, pregnant, hormonal woman, this can seem a bit overwhelming... and trust me, at times, it feels nearly impossible. For the past week, I have been feeling kind of blue, so totally homesick, and suffering with writer's block. I started looking online for quotes on "Change" to find some inspiration. I found the quote above by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu and realized that I was doing exactly what he suggested NOT to do. I was resisting change.
I realized that I have been moping around our house, missing Texas, our old home, our friends, being close to my family, plain-old missing our old lives, and not noticing all of the wonderful things around me. I hadn't noticed the fact that this house is actually starting to look like a home (I have to admit, it's been my biggest project yet), or that we are living in a beautiful part of the country that I have not even given a chance. For once in my life, I can try all of these new recipes that I have been dying to try because I have the time and well, let's be honest, this is the only time in my life when I don't HAVE to be on a diet.
And, I have the opportunity to put that shy girl to rest once and for all, push my comfort zone, stand on my own two feet and get out there and meet some people!!! (How do you like that for a pep talk??? :) )
It's so easy to write this stuff down and I know that the difficult part will actually be putting on my big girl panties and making things happen (especially during the weeks that my love is gone). I also know that Lao Tzu is right. I can't keep resisting this change because I don't want the next couple of years to be filled with sorrow. And let's be honest, what kind of lesson would that be for my sweet baby???
I'm not a particularly religious person but I do think that God shows His love and comfort in many different ways. The other morning, I got up with my husband like I do every morning to start the coffee and see him off to work. I was feeling kind of low because I didn't know what was in store for that day. I looked out my kitchen window, saw the sun rising, and immediately felt peace. It was just His reminder that everything is going to be just fine...
The view from my kitchen window...
***In more positive "Change" News: Today I am 14 weeks pregnant and finally in my Second Trimester! Hallelujah! Baby D seems to be doing well and is growing, as is my tummy. :) I am happy to report that energy is slowing returning and I have not prayed to the Porcelain gods in about 3 weeks... Reason alone to celebrate! Morning sickness has been replaced with headaches but I'll take a headache over puking any day. My favorite pregnancy moments have been: seeing the baby on the ultrasound (obviously), updating Joe every Friday morning on the progress our little one is making, and looking in a mirror and being astounded (every single time) about the size of my pooch. We will find out the sex of the baby in approximately six weeks (I'm hoping to try and schedule that ultrasound a little bit sooner because I am dying to know what Baby D is!!!). And, as hormonal as I am at times, there is no greater gift than knowing that our little bean is growing inside of me. I am so blessed. :) ***
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Downsizing Daughertys
One of the most vivid memories that I have from Thailand was watching a family go about their morning routine. This family had one of the most basic living situations that I have ever seen. Their home was a tin roof that was held up with 2x4's... That's it. I tried not to stare but I was too intrigued with watching them go about their daily business. The mom had just given her 3-4 year old son breakfast and was urging him to go and clean up in their bath space (a bucket that was under a faucet). While he stripped down to get ready for his bath, she prepared breakfast for her husband and then went to clean up her son, whom she found standing in the bucket, peeing over the side and moving around to see how far he could aim it. Like the mother, I couldn't help but laugh.
By American standards, this family had nothing. But as I stood and watched, I felt their happiness and love for one another. They were perfectly content with their bare necessities and this realization made me take a look at my own life and wonder if I could be as happy while living a simpler life.
Joe and I move into our new home tomorrow and as excited as I am to be stationary for a bit, I'm ashamed to admit that the size of our new townhouse has been making me a bit nervous. This is the first time that Joe and I will experience living on post and in deciding to do so, we gave up the idea of finding the "perfect" home. Since Irwin is practically an island in the desert, miles away from any other town, this seemed to be the best option for us.
While talking to my sister on the phone last night, I expressed my anxiousness of moving all of our items that filled a three bedroom home into something much smaller. Not only are we downsizing but we are also about to grow by two more feet (and a whole bunch of new baby items). She reassured me that it would be okay and that somehow I would make it work.
Just talking about it made me start to think about the way that my husband and I want to live our lives and how we want to raise our child. Over the past couple of months, while we have been living minimally, we have talked about how people in our past generations have been completely fine and happy to live a much simpler life. My parents raised two girls in a two bedroom, one bath home for 16 years. As cramped as we were, for the most part, we were happy. It wasn't until we moved into a larger place that their relationship fell apart. Is that the reason their marriage ended? I have no idea. But I can't help but wonder, if we had stayed in that small house, where we were forced to sit next to each other and communicate, would things have ended differently? Maybe. Maybe not.
These days, the sign of success is to have more... more space, a bigger home, more toys, better electronics. Most of my friends are moving into their "grown up" homes and I am absolutely thrilled for them but know that this isn't in our cards for quite a while. Yesterday, while doing some Facebook stalking and gasping that one of my old and dear friends was moving into a gorgeous, new, massive home, my husband looked at me and with regret in his eyes, told me that he was sorry. Sorry?!?!? For not being able to give me a bigger home??? My heart broke! The last thing that I want my husband to feel is that he isn't providing for his family and the last thing that I need is more rooms to keep clean!
That moment, I decided to change my attitude and look at this move as a project on minimizing. I want to teach my kids (and obviously, I need to teach myself, as well) to be happy and content with the things that I have in my life.
While perusing the Internet this morning, I came across two articles, one from TLC on Home Downsizing and the other, a blog post on the 12 Reasons Why You'll Be Happier in a Smaller Home.
There was a lot in the first article that didn't pertain to us, like saving money on rent or mortgage by getting a smaller home. Since Joe is given a housing allowance and our rent is taken directly from this, there's not a whole lot that we'll be saving. The one thing that I did like was the question, What are my wants and needs? It states that more space and more rooms means that everyone can watch their favorite tv shows in different spots at the same time. Is this really something that is important for me and my family??? For me, personally, I'd rather sit next to my husband and watch a game of football that I don't care about (which is a game that involves anyone but the Saints, UL, and LSU) and share that moment with him, rather than sitting in another room watching Sex and the City. But those are simply my wants and needs.
The blog post obviously gives 12 very good reasons for enjoying a smaller home. My three favorite were: Less rooms to clean (seriously, who wouldn't love this???); Encourages family bonding; and Forces you to remove baggage. I want my family to be happy and close and anything that will encourage that sounds good in my book. The thought of removing baggage sounds like a huge chore that I am about to encounter but the mental image of decluttering feels like a breath of fresh air.
I know that minimizing is not for everyone and for us, it's going to be another big adjustment. Am I going to miss my walk-in closet and garden bathtub? Abso-fricken-lutely. And I know that I will definitely be missing the extra space when the baby arrives and our family comes in to visit. But I feel that this project will be a good lesson for Joe and I and for our future kids. I know that we will never be living as simply as that family in Thailand but I sure hope that we will be as happy and content.
I feel the winds of change are about to start blowing...Wish us luck!! :)
By American standards, this family had nothing. But as I stood and watched, I felt their happiness and love for one another. They were perfectly content with their bare necessities and this realization made me take a look at my own life and wonder if I could be as happy while living a simpler life.
Joe and I move into our new home tomorrow and as excited as I am to be stationary for a bit, I'm ashamed to admit that the size of our new townhouse has been making me a bit nervous. This is the first time that Joe and I will experience living on post and in deciding to do so, we gave up the idea of finding the "perfect" home. Since Irwin is practically an island in the desert, miles away from any other town, this seemed to be the best option for us.
While talking to my sister on the phone last night, I expressed my anxiousness of moving all of our items that filled a three bedroom home into something much smaller. Not only are we downsizing but we are also about to grow by two more feet (and a whole bunch of new baby items). She reassured me that it would be okay and that somehow I would make it work.
Just talking about it made me start to think about the way that my husband and I want to live our lives and how we want to raise our child. Over the past couple of months, while we have been living minimally, we have talked about how people in our past generations have been completely fine and happy to live a much simpler life. My parents raised two girls in a two bedroom, one bath home for 16 years. As cramped as we were, for the most part, we were happy. It wasn't until we moved into a larger place that their relationship fell apart. Is that the reason their marriage ended? I have no idea. But I can't help but wonder, if we had stayed in that small house, where we were forced to sit next to each other and communicate, would things have ended differently? Maybe. Maybe not.
These days, the sign of success is to have more... more space, a bigger home, more toys, better electronics. Most of my friends are moving into their "grown up" homes and I am absolutely thrilled for them but know that this isn't in our cards for quite a while. Yesterday, while doing some Facebook stalking and gasping that one of my old and dear friends was moving into a gorgeous, new, massive home, my husband looked at me and with regret in his eyes, told me that he was sorry. Sorry?!?!? For not being able to give me a bigger home??? My heart broke! The last thing that I want my husband to feel is that he isn't providing for his family and the last thing that I need is more rooms to keep clean!
That moment, I decided to change my attitude and look at this move as a project on minimizing. I want to teach my kids (and obviously, I need to teach myself, as well) to be happy and content with the things that I have in my life.
While perusing the Internet this morning, I came across two articles, one from TLC on Home Downsizing and the other, a blog post on the 12 Reasons Why You'll Be Happier in a Smaller Home.
There was a lot in the first article that didn't pertain to us, like saving money on rent or mortgage by getting a smaller home. Since Joe is given a housing allowance and our rent is taken directly from this, there's not a whole lot that we'll be saving. The one thing that I did like was the question, What are my wants and needs? It states that more space and more rooms means that everyone can watch their favorite tv shows in different spots at the same time. Is this really something that is important for me and my family??? For me, personally, I'd rather sit next to my husband and watch a game of football that I don't care about (which is a game that involves anyone but the Saints, UL, and LSU) and share that moment with him, rather than sitting in another room watching Sex and the City. But those are simply my wants and needs.
The blog post obviously gives 12 very good reasons for enjoying a smaller home. My three favorite were: Less rooms to clean (seriously, who wouldn't love this???); Encourages family bonding; and Forces you to remove baggage. I want my family to be happy and close and anything that will encourage that sounds good in my book. The thought of removing baggage sounds like a huge chore that I am about to encounter but the mental image of decluttering feels like a breath of fresh air.
I know that minimizing is not for everyone and for us, it's going to be another big adjustment. Am I going to miss my walk-in closet and garden bathtub? Abso-fricken-lutely. And I know that I will definitely be missing the extra space when the baby arrives and our family comes in to visit. But I feel that this project will be a good lesson for Joe and I and for our future kids. I know that we will never be living as simply as that family in Thailand but I sure hope that we will be as happy and content.
I feel the winds of change are about to start blowing...Wish us luck!! :)
Friday, October 12, 2012
Our Sweet Baby Bean- Week 12
With our lives being so crazy, I have not really had the time to talk about our pregnancy. I'm 12 weeks today... Hooray! We are so close to being done with the first trimester... thank you Baby Jesus! And we had our first doctor's appointment yesterday to check on our little bean, so I thought, what better time for an update/refection!
I wasn't nervous for the appointment until the day before when I started to have all of these insane questions that popped into my head. What if I had been doing everything wrong? Wrong food? Wrong prenatals? Not enough water? Too much water? And even crazier questions like, What if I had accidentally lost the baby without knowing it and they'd do an ultrasound and there would be no baby in there? Yup, pregnancy makes you nuts.
Luckily, the doctor's appointment could not have gone better. When we got there, I was slightly anxious when I found out that our doctor was a man. Call me crazy, I just feel more comfortable with a woman while she's dealing with all of my lady parts. I have always had a female doctor and would never have personally chosen to have a male doctor. But, when we met Dr. W., I was immediately put at ease. He was funny, polite, very professional, and informative. Compared to my last doctor in Killeen, I felt like we had won the doctor jackpot.
I'm sure that any couple who has had a child can relate, the absolute best part of these doctor's appointments is to actually see your baby. For our first ultrasound, Baby Bean was only a few weeks along and was simply just a heartbeat. Seeing that heartbeat pulsating on the screen was the absolute most amazing thing that I had ever seen in my life... until yesterday. When Dr. W. started the ultrasound, I waited a moment while he made some adjustments and then there it was... an actual baby!!! We could see our baby's sweet little head and tummy and feet with little toes. As he pressed on my belly, we could see the baby kick-kick-kicking and I couldn't help but laugh and cry because that was OUR baby... the one that I had prayed for my whole life. The one that finally came because two people loved each other so much that God thought it was time to grow something from that love. Absolutely amazing. I feel blessed to have known much joy in my life but I don't think that I have ever felt anything like I felt yesterday.
After yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that ultrasounds were invented to give pregnant women (and their spouses) the courage to forge ahead with their pregnancies. As I look back over the past twelve weeks, I'm not gonna lie, it has not been easy. Maybe some women are just better at being pregnant than I am but I sure do wish more women would talk about what an adjustment pregnancy is.
When we first found out, I was talking to my cousin who is also pregnant but with her second child. The subject of morning sickness came up and her belief was that morning sickness was something that Hollywood has just made up to make pregnant movies funnier. Pa! Paha! Pahahahahahaha! Oh my. I wish. For all of those lucky ladies who have not dealt with morning sickness, you better be thanking baby Jesus every single day. This pregnancy has brought me back to my early college years when I often prayed to the porcelain gods because I thought that Smirnoff, blue margaritas, and Goldschlager were a good combination (The thought alone makes me shudder). Over the past few months, I have had the pleasure of running to find the bathroom to throw up in restaurants, gas stations, parks, Wal-Greens, and Vegas, along with making Joe pull over several times (NEVER getting sick, I might add, in the comfort of my own home). Absolutely mortifying.
You would think that the vomiting, nausea, and exhaustion would be enough but throw in some extra hormones and you are a completely different woman. This lovely side effect doesn't just affect you, my friends, but also your relationship. And my questions is: Why don't more women talk about how crazy pregnancy makes you?!?!? If you are a woman and have had a child and you say that you were completely normal your whole pregnancy... then (in my humble opinion) you are LYING... or you are at least in denial. And I get it, no woman wants to talk about being overly emotional or the fact that their relationships are rocky because...well, it makes you look bad. But, man, there's no getting around it, for us it's been an adjustment.
Towards the end of 28, I felt like I was finally settled. I liked the woman that I was becoming, I felt calmer than I ever had before in my life, and I thought, "What a perfect time to be pregnant. I'm older, settled, and will really be able to enjoy this new phase in my life." I had a wonderful relationship and life was good. Joe and I hardly ever fought and were living happily in our love bubble. There was nothing to fight about. When we did fight, we'd fix it within a few hours and then move on.
With all of my extra hormones, the fact that he has quit smoking and is probably a bit more irritable, both of us adjusting to being pregnant, topped with spending the past two months in a teeny-tiny trailer and hotels and are now in a completely new and foreign place where we know no one but each other... Well, it hasn't all been smooth sailing. The man has made me see red from time to time and I'm pretty sure that he has thought, "Crazy Bitch," every now and then. But after every "moment" (doesn't that sound so much better than, say, shit storm???), we have managed to look at each other, look at our situation, hug it out, and make a promise to both try a little harder, be a little more patient, and to not forget that there is a whole lot of love there.
I wish I could be one of these women who was glowing every day because of her pregnancy, traipsing around in fashionable maternity wear with my heels and decaf latte, and making sure that my husband knew every day that we were the luckiest couple in the world. I'm just not. I like comfy clothes and flip flops more now than ever. I indulge in one cup of regular coffee a day (because the books say that it's okay). And I miss my evening glass... who am I kidding... glasses of wine more than anything. It's taken me a while to get used to this new lifestyle and I know that it'll get easier. And even though there have been moments when I'm losing my lunch and thinking, "THIS is what I wanted for so long???" I know that in the end, it'll all be worth it.
I know this because when I looked at that monitor yesterday and saw my baby's little feet kicking and saw the tummy that I imagined kissing and I looked at my husband, the man who is my best friend and completes my world, all of the bad stuff washed away. And all I felt was love.
I wasn't nervous for the appointment until the day before when I started to have all of these insane questions that popped into my head. What if I had been doing everything wrong? Wrong food? Wrong prenatals? Not enough water? Too much water? And even crazier questions like, What if I had accidentally lost the baby without knowing it and they'd do an ultrasound and there would be no baby in there? Yup, pregnancy makes you nuts.
Luckily, the doctor's appointment could not have gone better. When we got there, I was slightly anxious when I found out that our doctor was a man. Call me crazy, I just feel more comfortable with a woman while she's dealing with all of my lady parts. I have always had a female doctor and would never have personally chosen to have a male doctor. But, when we met Dr. W., I was immediately put at ease. He was funny, polite, very professional, and informative. Compared to my last doctor in Killeen, I felt like we had won the doctor jackpot.
I'm sure that any couple who has had a child can relate, the absolute best part of these doctor's appointments is to actually see your baby. For our first ultrasound, Baby Bean was only a few weeks along and was simply just a heartbeat. Seeing that heartbeat pulsating on the screen was the absolute most amazing thing that I had ever seen in my life... until yesterday. When Dr. W. started the ultrasound, I waited a moment while he made some adjustments and then there it was... an actual baby!!! We could see our baby's sweet little head and tummy and feet with little toes. As he pressed on my belly, we could see the baby kick-kick-kicking and I couldn't help but laugh and cry because that was OUR baby... the one that I had prayed for my whole life. The one that finally came because two people loved each other so much that God thought it was time to grow something from that love. Absolutely amazing. I feel blessed to have known much joy in my life but I don't think that I have ever felt anything like I felt yesterday.
After yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that ultrasounds were invented to give pregnant women (and their spouses) the courage to forge ahead with their pregnancies. As I look back over the past twelve weeks, I'm not gonna lie, it has not been easy. Maybe some women are just better at being pregnant than I am but I sure do wish more women would talk about what an adjustment pregnancy is.
When we first found out, I was talking to my cousin who is also pregnant but with her second child. The subject of morning sickness came up and her belief was that morning sickness was something that Hollywood has just made up to make pregnant movies funnier. Pa! Paha! Pahahahahahaha! Oh my. I wish. For all of those lucky ladies who have not dealt with morning sickness, you better be thanking baby Jesus every single day. This pregnancy has brought me back to my early college years when I often prayed to the porcelain gods because I thought that Smirnoff, blue margaritas, and Goldschlager were a good combination (The thought alone makes me shudder). Over the past few months, I have had the pleasure of running to find the bathroom to throw up in restaurants, gas stations, parks, Wal-Greens, and Vegas, along with making Joe pull over several times (NEVER getting sick, I might add, in the comfort of my own home). Absolutely mortifying.
You would think that the vomiting, nausea, and exhaustion would be enough but throw in some extra hormones and you are a completely different woman. This lovely side effect doesn't just affect you, my friends, but also your relationship. And my questions is: Why don't more women talk about how crazy pregnancy makes you?!?!? If you are a woman and have had a child and you say that you were completely normal your whole pregnancy... then (in my humble opinion) you are LYING... or you are at least in denial. And I get it, no woman wants to talk about being overly emotional or the fact that their relationships are rocky because...well, it makes you look bad. But, man, there's no getting around it, for us it's been an adjustment.
Towards the end of 28, I felt like I was finally settled. I liked the woman that I was becoming, I felt calmer than I ever had before in my life, and I thought, "What a perfect time to be pregnant. I'm older, settled, and will really be able to enjoy this new phase in my life." I had a wonderful relationship and life was good. Joe and I hardly ever fought and were living happily in our love bubble. There was nothing to fight about. When we did fight, we'd fix it within a few hours and then move on.
With all of my extra hormones, the fact that he has quit smoking and is probably a bit more irritable, both of us adjusting to being pregnant, topped with spending the past two months in a teeny-tiny trailer and hotels and are now in a completely new and foreign place where we know no one but each other... Well, it hasn't all been smooth sailing. The man has made me see red from time to time and I'm pretty sure that he has thought, "Crazy Bitch," every now and then. But after every "moment" (doesn't that sound so much better than, say, shit storm???), we have managed to look at each other, look at our situation, hug it out, and make a promise to both try a little harder, be a little more patient, and to not forget that there is a whole lot of love there.
I wish I could be one of these women who was glowing every day because of her pregnancy, traipsing around in fashionable maternity wear with my heels and decaf latte, and making sure that my husband knew every day that we were the luckiest couple in the world. I'm just not. I like comfy clothes and flip flops more now than ever. I indulge in one cup of regular coffee a day (because the books say that it's okay). And I miss my evening glass... who am I kidding... glasses of wine more than anything. It's taken me a while to get used to this new lifestyle and I know that it'll get easier. And even though there have been moments when I'm losing my lunch and thinking, "THIS is what I wanted for so long???" I know that in the end, it'll all be worth it.
I know this because when I looked at that monitor yesterday and saw my baby's little feet kicking and saw the tummy that I imagined kissing and I looked at my husband, the man who is my best friend and completes my world, all of the bad stuff washed away. And all I felt was love.
My sweet baby who makes it all worth it! Can't wait to kiss those little feet!!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The last bit about our Wyoming trip...
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One of the first things that we saw once we got to Wyoming
Being a Southern girl, I didn't often see leaves changing in the fall. This is one of my favorite things and I loved that we were in Wyoming at the absolute perfect time to see the season change.
Sightseeing in Casper
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While in Casper, we spent a bit of quality time with Joe's fabulous grandmother, Earlene. She's probably one of the most fantastic women that I have ever met.
Dobs learning that he was as agile as a billy goat :)
Fall colors... LOVE :)
The beautiful drive to Yellowstone (and beginning to look a little preggy-poochy :)
Hooray for Yellowstone!
The minute that we were settled, we went hiking in the woods that were right next to our campsite. The whole time, I was watching for bears...
What I should have been looking for were buffalo!!! When we first got there, spotting buffalo was like playing a game of "Where's Waldo." These magnificent beasts can hide in the grass and then immediately pop up out of nowhere! I'm pretty sure that we walked right next to this buffalo and had no idea that he was there!
My honey fishing...
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And my precious pup having the time of his life!
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Old Faithful
So, I had no idea what to expect at Old Faithful. I thought that you saw a big ole geyser, cool, and then that was it. Joe and I actually spent the entire day walking through the park and seeing tons of geysers and natural springs.
Photo fun with Old Faithful! :)
These natural springs looked like they belong on Mars...
I'm not really into geology but this stuff was kind of cool.
Hello, buffalo! We found another weary traveler who was also checking out Old Faithful that day!
Just wandering along...
So, spotting buffalo was this fun game... until we found a herd of hundreds of buffalo and then realized that they were everywhere.
The Lower Falls of Yellowstone
The Upper Falls of Yellowstone
Love this view!
Mud pits and steam coming out of a cave... I can totally see where the idea of dragons came from...
After Yellowstone, we moved onto Jackson Hole and saw the beautiful Teton Mountains.
And then we made our way to Dubois.
Just a glimpse of the way that we lived for nearly two months...
Cooking dinner!
Twilight in the mountains
Hoover Dam
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As my hubs heads back to work today, I can't help but feel grateful. Not many people can take nearly two months off to have an amazing adventure before starting a new journey. It wasn't all smooth sailing but it will definitely be a trip that we won't forget. Can't wait to see what's in store for us next!
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